The One With the Butterfly Effect
by Oldreruns
Summary: An A/U Mondler story. What events would be altered if a small change occurred during the course of Monica and Chandler's shared history. While this will center around Monder it will feature the entire gang. Humor and Romance. Will be updated much faster than I thought it would be. The last, and 10th chapter is available now. Thanks for reading.
1. Take a Shot

**Taking a Shot**

Monica walks into her kitchen, shaking her head in frustration as she searches her cabinets for more alcohol for Joey's party. She grunts and slaps her hands down on the counter as she thinks about Chandler and all of the Jello shots he has already consumed. "I can't believe him!"

Just then, the door to her apartment swings open. Joey's sister Cookie comes in holding an empty vodka bottle. "Hey. Toots. You guys got any more vodka over here? Me and the skinny blonde chick finished this one off." She places the bottle down on the kitchen table and looks around the apartment, nodding, clearly impressed with what she sees. "Hey, this is a nice place you got here. How come we didn't have the party over here?"

Monica forces a strained smile and claps her hands together. "Because I want this apartment to stay nice."

Cookie points at her and nods in agreement, letting a guttural laugh flow from her throat. "So, what about that vodka?"

Monica shakes her head as she returns her attention to her cabinets. "I don't think I have anymore. We used most of it for the Jello shots and Chandler drank all of those. All of our bottles are at the party, I guess."

"Who drank them all? The skinny guy? Ooo. He is not going to be feeling good tomorrow."

Monica nods in agreement. She shuffles a few more things around to look behind some cans of soup and boxes of pasta, but comes up empty. "Nothing. Maybe there's something open in the fridge." She opens the refrigerator door and a look of surprised discovery washes over her face! She pumps her fist in celebration. "Yes! Chandler didn't get all of the Jello shots. Look, there's another tray in here!"

Cookie walks over and smiles. "Jackpot! Break 'em out skinny girl."

Monica giggles to herself and blushes at being called skinny. "Do you call everyone skinny?"

"Everyone who looks like they could use a sandwich." Cookie grabs at the tray and puts it down on the table. "Let's do some shots!"

"Oh, well, I thought we would bring this tray back to the party."

"What? And waste it on those mooks over there? No way. Besides, I haven't done a Jello shot since my first year of school."

Monica nods. "Oh yeah? You partied a lot in college?"

Cookie looks back at her and twists her face in puzzlement. "College? No." she shakes her head. "I'm talking about elementary school. These really took the edge off of those spelling tests."

Monica raises her eyebrows, trying to hide her judgmental expression as Cookie consumes two of the shots in short order. Cookie grabs a cup and hands it to Monica. "Don't make me drink alone. I already lost the skinny blonde chick back at the party."

Monica shrugs her shoulders in submission. "Oh, well, okay I guess I can have one." She takes the cup from Cookie and mimes clinking it together with hers. "Cheers."

They stand there at the table for a while, Monica laughing at Cookie's abrasive storytelling, as they continue to down shot after shot and before Monica realizes what is happening. She looks down and notices that the tray is empty. "Oh no! Did we drink all of those?"

Cookie slaps her stomach a few times, satisfied with their consumption. "Yeah. That was a pretty good snack."

Monica twists her face up, but relaxes quickly as she is already feeling the effects of the alcohol. "Woah! I think maybe I should get something to drink."

Cookie nods. "Now you're talking. Here." She pulls out a small airplane sized bottle of brown liquor from her jacket pocket and pours a little into two empty cups. "Come on sister. Let's keep this party going."

Monica blushes and smiles. "You think of me as a sister? I never had a sister before!"

Cookie flashes her a sympathetic look as she raises her eyebrows, disappointed that it looks like she may lose yet another drinking partner who can't keep up with her. She raises her cup as if about to give a toast. "Whatever floats your boat sweetheart." The two of them clink their cups together and smile as they each slug back their drink.

Monica, a dreamy smile on her face, playfully slaps Cookie on the shoulder. "You Tribbianis are so much fun! Why don't you guys come around more often."

"Well, I was under house arrest for about a year."

The door to the apartment swings open again and Mary-Angela, another one of Joey's sister, strides in with a skip in her step, she giggles to herself and then looks up and sees Monica and Cookie standing at the table. Her energetic mood fades immediately and she purses her lips. "Oh, hey. What are you guys doing here?"

Cookie eyes her suspiciously. "We're having a drink. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, well, I was looking for you. And now I found you!"

Cookie looks over at Monica and then back to her sister. "Which one of us were you looking for? Me, or her?"

Mary-Angela pauses for a moment and then laughs and points at Monica. "Her of course. Why would I look for you in here? Everyone was looking for her because she lives here. Right?"

Cookies points at Monica as she looks at her sister, unconvinced by her excuse. "Oh yeah? Well, what's her name then Columbo."

Mary-Angela stammers as she gestures towards Monica. "Oh, yeah, she's uh, well her name is, uh, well, she's one of the girls who lives here."

Monica smiles. "That's me! I'm Marmonicama"

"See, Marmonicama."

Cookie looks over at Monica and then back at her sister. "Okay, come on, shows over." She grabs her sister by her upper arm and starts to forcibly walk her back to the door. She turns back to face Monica. "Hey, skinny black-haired girl, you better drink some water okay?" She then looks down at the counter. "Oh, hey, can I take these strawberries with me? I love these."

Monica nods absentmindedly and turns to face the kitchen sink.

Cookie pushes her sister back out the door as she snatches the container of strawberries. "I swear, we can't take you anywhere without you finding some mook to make out with. We're going home!"

The door slams shut and Monica looks around the room. "What am I doing in here again?" She smacks her lips and grabs a glass, filling it with tap water and guzzling it down. "Oh yeah. Water. My old friend." She drinks two more glasses quickly and then places the glass down on the sink. "Oh, that's no good. Now I have to pee!" She races into her bathroom and shuts the door behind her.

Almost at the same time, the front door opens up and Chandler stumbles in. He searches the room haphazardly and smiles. "Hello! Where are you hiding?" He circles the living room, walking around the couch until he stops and plops down, putting his feet up on the coffee table. He hears the toilet flush and the sink go on in the bathroom and he smiles as he throws his arm around the back so he can face whoever it is that comes out. "There you are. Come on out here. The Chan-man is ready for…" he stops himself when Monica emerges from the bathroom.

She tilts her head for a moment, confused at her friend's appearance. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, nothing. Uh, is, uh, well, actually, I don't know any of their names. Are any of Joey's sisters here?"

"No, last time I saw any of them, they were heading out the door with a bunch of strawberries." She collapses down on the couch next to him and leans in close. "You aren't still upset about seeing Janice the other day, are you?"

"Wouldn't you be?"

Monica purses her lips and places her hand on his thigh, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "Look, I know it has been a really emotional time for you, and you had a lot to drink."

Chandler dips his head down and scrutinizes Monica's mouth. "Hey, why is your tongue green?"

Monica winces and then shakes her head. "Never mind that! Chandler, I just think you have to let that stuff go."

Chandler scoffs, but then raises his hand to brush a piece of her hair from her face. "Well, I guess there are worse things than hanging out with the most beautiful woman who was at the party tonight."

Monica pulls back, clearly surprised and affected by his words. "Really?"

"Are you kidding me, you're the most beautiful woman in most rooms."

Monica stare at Chandler for what feels like an eternity, the dim light in the living room causing her to see his face differently, almost as if she is looking at him for the first time. She isn't sure what impulse she is reacting to. Her disdain for her crappy job, the fact that she still misses Richard, the seven Jello shots she consumed, or the earnest, handsome man telling her, that in a room full of attractive women, she was the most beautiful one there. Whatever it is, the impulse takes her over, and in this moment, she realizes she doesn't care what is driving her to feel the way she does. She only knows one thing, she wants to kiss him. "You're cute too…"

She almost leaps from her side of the couch, crashing into Chandler. She wraps her arms around him tightly as their lips meet, their tongues already starting to dart into and explore each other's mouth. Her breath quickens as she moans into him. Her hands begin to pull and tug at his hair. He instinctively reaches for her hips as he digs his fingers into her upper thighs. They break apart for a moment, both nearly spent of energy from just the one kiss.

She looks at Chandler with uncertainty in her eyes. Searching his for some kind of response, yet he can only stare back at her. He is out of breath, his pupils dilated, his hair already ruffled from her fingers that are still running trails along his scalp. She allows a half-smile to lift the corner of her mouth. "We're making out."

Chandler breathes in, wondering if what just happened was ending as quickly as it began. "Well, not anymore."

She looks him in the eyes again, searching for some sign of clarity. Some signal that he wants to continue. "How drunk are you?"

Chandler breaths in sharply. "Drunk enough to know I want to do this. How drunk are you?"

Monica settles her hands onto his shoulders and smiles. "No so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage."

The two of them look at each other, and as they close the gap between them, they both blurt out breathlessly. "That's the perfect amount!"

They begin kissing again, their hands roaming all over each other's body. Monica allowing small moans to slip into his mouth each time they separate. Chandler chuckles under his breath. "You know what…"

Monica nods and finishes his thought. "…this doesn't feel weird. You're a really good kisser."

"Thanks. I've been practicing all night with Joey's dog statue."

Monica laughs and brings her hand up to his cheek. "Want to move into the bedroom."

Chandler springs up from the couch and grabs her hand. "Mm-hmm." He pulls her quickly to her room, covering the distance in seconds as he closes the door behind them.

Monica crashes down on the bed and kicks off her shoes. "Wow, you're really fast."

"It bodes well for me that speed impresses you." Chandler begins to pull his shirt and sweater vest off over his head as Monica stands back up and shimmies out of her skirt. He removes his pants and she peels off her black sweater. They both pause and stare at each other. Chandler in a pair of plaid boxers. Monica wearing a black bra and matching pair of thin, lace panties. They eye each other over, panting heavily.

She strides over to him and hooks her index fingers over the inside the elastic to his boxers. "We're going to see each other naked."

Chandler nods and moves one of his hands to the clasp of her bra and the other inside the strap of her panties. "Want to do it at the same time?"

She allows a lascivious smirk to cross her lips as she takes a stronger grip of his shorts. "Count of three?"

Chandler unhooks her bra and slides the straps down her shoulders, positioning it so it will fall off once she moves. "Okay."

"One…" She bunches up the waistband of his boxers into each hand, preparing to yank them down.

"Two…" Chandler slowly slides the straps of her underwear to her thighs. Monica leans forward a bit, ready to let her bra drop to the floor.

"Three!"

In a flurry they remove each other's clothes and stare, wide eyed at each other's naked body. Chandler, moving his gaze up and down her body. His mouth agape in stunned wonder. Monica allows her eyes to trail down his trim torso as she flicks her tongue between her lips. She exhales out a chuckle and lifts her eyes to his. "Well, I think it is safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined."

Chandler moves towards her and backs her up until she falls onto the bed. "Eh, we weren't that close anyway."

* * *

A/N – So, I am trying my hand at an AU story that has been kicking around in my head for a while. What would happen if Monica and Chandler got together at some other point during the show? How would that effect the rest of the group? What events would change, what would feel similar, etc.

I picked the party because it was an easy excuse to get them both drunk, and after Monica finally seems to get over Richard and Chandler has his big break-up with Janice felt like a good time to throw them together. I hope you will excuse me using a bunch of dialogue from the show, but I think it might be unavoidable, especially if I want to use canon events to show how much things have changed.

I know I am an idiot for trying to do yet another story, it doesn't make any sense, but this desire to mix and match events from the show resulted in pages of notes that I have written down and they just demanded to be put out there. And, yeah, I know, I did the whole "one, two, three" thing again. I will probably try to update this at least once a week. I hope anyone who takes the time to read this will enjoy.


	2. Twisting Sisters

**Twisting Sisters**

Monica rolls over, and with her eyes still closed, she sleepily reaches her hand across the bed and begins to run her fingers up and down the chest of the man lying beside her. A satisfied, dreamy smile spreads across her lips as she brings herself closer to the warm body in her bed. Suddenly, her eyes snap open like roller-blinds and her smile turns flat and nervous. She springs back over to her side of the bed and sits up, clutching the covers to her throat.

Chandler, stirs, feeling the swift movement next to him and slowly opens his eyes, a sly smile forms at the corners of his mouth as he begins to recall all of the events from last night, the indescribable physical sensations he remembers experiencing, and the sheer exhaustion he felt by the time that the herculean love-making session had finally come to an end. He spies Monica, who is sitting up, her anxious eyes darting over to him. Suddenly becoming aware of exactly what is happening, He sits up straight and can only offer a nervous chuckle as they glance at each other through uncomfortable grimaces.

Monica tries to break the tension by looking over at him and forcing an apprehensive smile. "Well, I've never done that with you before."

Chandler returns back with a very uneasy, "Nope." He pulls the sheet to his chest and starts to nod his head nervously. "So, uh, how you…how you…you okay?"

Monica nods. "Yep! You?"

"Yeah, yeah. You?" She looks at him, her nervous expression finally giving way to a puzzled look. Chandler huffs out a chuckle. "We did you." He looks around the room again, searching for his clothes. "Well, I'd better get going." Monica nods in agreement and Chandler starts to slide out of bed. He hesitates and looks back at her. "Could you not look?"

She turns her eyes up to the ceiling. "I don't want to look." Chandler hops out of bed and quickly slides his boxers on. He shoves his arms through his shirt sleeves and eschews buttoning it up as he picks up the rest of his clothes. He grabs his shoes in one hand while hastily bunching up his pants and sweater vest and stuffing them under his other arm. "Uh, so, uh, I'll see you at breakfast?"

"You're leaving like that?" Monica points at him, clearly concerned about having a half-naked Chandler walk out of her bedroom.

He looks over at the clock, noting it is only six. "It's still early. I'll check to see if anyone is up, but it sounds quiet. If anyone sees me in the hall, I'll just say I fell asleep in the storage room like this. I was drunk enough for that to be believable."

Monica nods as she raises her eyebrows playfully. "Yeah, you were pretty drunk."

He turns to face her for a moment, not sure if he should kiss her goodbye or if he should wave or just nod his head. Monica stares at him during the awkward silence. He finally decides to clumsily kiss the tip of his shoe that he is holding and points it at her, causing a confused look of disgust to fall over her face. "Oh, don't put a shoe on your mouth." Chandler shrugs and slowly opens the door, peeking out, and once he finds that the coast is clear, he scurries out of the room and quickly exits her apartment.

* * *

When he finally comes back later that morning, Rachel, Ross, Monica and Phoebe are already having a late breakfast. Monica is still in her robe, nursing a slight hangover. Chandler groans as he enters the room. Holding his head, he hops up on the edge of the counter.

Rachel looks up. "How you feeling?"

He looks over at Monica who looks up at him, but then diverts her eyes. "Well, let's just say, I'm never having Jello again."

Phoebe finishes pouring herself some coffee and offers him a sympathetic look. "Where'd you get to? You know, come to think of it," Phoebe turns to face Monica. "both of you disappeared after we opened up all of the presents."

Monica looks up and starts to stammer as Chandler interrupts her. "Well, I, uh, I passed out in the storage room. Alone."

"And, uh, I came over here and fell asleep."

Phoebe shrugs her shoulders and frowns in disappointment. "Oh. Well, those aren't fun stories."

Joey storms into the room and angrily points at Chandler. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Chandler leaps down from the counter and across the kitchen. A startled and confused look on his face. "What? Why? What?"

"Come on." Joey gestures for Chandler to join him in the hallway. Chandler looks at the rest of the group, shrugs his shoulders and he follows his roommate out the door.

"I just got off the phone with my sister Cookie."

Chandler, looking non-plussed, can only shake his head in bewilderment. "I don't know who that is."

Joey's nose flares up in anger. "She said that last night, Mary-Angela was looking to hook up with a skinny guy who had a green tongue. That sound like anyone you know?"

"Uh, Gumby?"

"Look, were you or were you not looking to hook up with my sister last night? Where did you disappear to?"

Chandler gesticulates wildly and stammers a bit. "What? I didn't hook up with anybody's sister last night. I mean, no. Of course not. I stumbled around and fell asleep in the storage room."

Joey narrows his eyes and looks his roommate up and down. "Are you sure? Because I don't want you using one of my sisters to help you get over Janice."

Chandler raises his arms, gesturing for Joey to calm down. "Joe. I promise you. I would never use one of _your_ sisters to get over Janice."

While the others wait inside the apartment, Ross and Rachel continue to argue about the virtues of men and the ulterior motives of the seemingly good Samaritan Mark. Ross turns to Monica, who is staring off, studying the door to her apartment intently. "Monica. Will you please enlighten your friend, my girlfriend, on exactly what men are like?"

Monica, not paying attention, picks up a small pitcher of milk and passes it to her brother. "Here you go."

Ross screws up his face and turns to look at his sister. "What is wrong with you? Are you that hungover?"

Monica winces sheepishly and shrugs her shoulders. "Yeah. I think I may have to go back to sleep."

Phoebe looks over at the door and then back to Monica. "Mon, did you see Chandler last night before he disappeared?"

Monica turns to look at Phoebe and scoffs. "What? I'm not seeing Chandler. You know, sometimes I don't even like Chandler."

Before any of her friends can question Monica's odd outburst, the door opens as Joey and Chandler walk back inside. "Joey, I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem."

Rachel turns to face them. "What wouldn't be a problem?"

"Joey is trying to find some guy who wanted to hook up with one of his sisters and I was just saying that it shouldn't be that big of a deal, but he seems to think it's a violation of the code."

"Not that big of a deal! It was my birthday party! That means one of my friends tried to hook up with one of my sisters."

Chandler looks over at the kitchen table and points at Ross. "Would you be mad if one of your friends tried to sleep with Monica? Say," he turns and hits Joey on the chest lightly. "Say, Joey. Let's say you found out Joey and Monica slept together last night."

Joey looks over at Monica and offers her a salacious smile as he nods. "Yeah baby." Ross shoots a stern look at Joey and Joey's smile fades immediately. "I mean no baby."

Chandler looks over at everyone in the room. "Sure. Let's pretend that Joey and Monica sleep together. Let's see what everybody thinks about that."

Ross looks over at Rachel and jabs his thumb in Chandler's direction. "Don't tell me men are nice. This is men!"

* * *

One by one, everyone finishes their breakfast and leaves Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross is the first to go, needing to be at work early. He reluctantly drops the "Mark" thing, even though he feels as if it is still unresolved. Phoebe follows shortly after him, having an appointment with a massage client. Rachel decides to head out and go shopping for some new clothes, hopefully in preparations for the new job opportunity that Mark would be providing for her. Joey is the last to leave, needing to wash up and head out to an acting class in the afternoon.

Finally, Chandler and Monica are alone again, for the first time since their awkward goodbye early this morning. They take turns nervously looking up at each other, ignoring the food on their plates. Chandler stands up, gripping his hands together and paces over to the couch. "What we did last night was…"

Monica cuts him off, finishing his sentence. "Stupid."

"Right, I mean, what were we thinking." He looks down at the floor as Monica slides her chair away from the table.

She stands up and starts to put the dirty dishes in the sink and then turns to face him. "How could we have let this happen."

Chandler slaps the couch. "Seven times!"

Monica grimaces. "Look, it was just one crazy night."

Chandler laughs and gestures to her with his hand as he nods. "Right. It was just one day out of our lives."

Monica smiles and shakes her head. "Right." She looks down and starts to pick at her robe. "You know, we didn't start doing it until after midnight. So technically, it's still the same day."

Chandler leaps up from his position of leaning on the back of the couch. "Right. So, as long at it is still the same day…"

"We can keep doing it, right?" Monica finishes his sentence again and starts to walk towards him.

Chandler nods as she comes closer. "I don't see how we have any choice. So today, we can keep doing it, but once it hits midnight, we don't do it."

"Only today."

"You know. I called in sick to work already. Meet you in your bedroom in five minutes?"

"Okay!"

Chandler jumps up in place, giddy as adrenaline starts to pump through his body. He sprints out the door to his apartment in order to freshen up and change his clothes.

Monica races into the bathroom. She washes her face, combs her hair and brushes her teeth. She takes a quick sniff of herself and, after being satisfied that she still smells fresh, she practically floats out of the bathroom. Chandler had already returned and was waiting for her in the living room.

She freezes for a moment by the bathroom door when she sees him. A smile of anticipation spreads across her lips. Chandler rushes over to her and just as they are about to embrace, the door to the apartment opens. Chandler spins Monica around and shoves her so she lands on the chair, her leg up on the arm. The two of them turn their attention to the kitchen to see that Rachel had returned.

"Oh. Hello Rachel."

Monica's eyes bulge, clearly agitated at her roommates unexpected return. "Rach? What are you doing here? I thought you were going shopping."

Rachel throws her purse on the table. "I just realized; I should probably wait for Mark to call me before I go buy clothes. I can't waste money on new clothes right now."

Monica huffs impatiently. "Well, why don't you call him?"

Chandler nods emphatically. "Yeah, you can use my phone for privacy. Take, I don't know, five or even ten minutes."

Monica kicks him with the leg she has hanging over the arm of the chair. "More like twenty!"

Rachel looks at the two of them, confused by their behavior. "Uh, that's okay. I'll just use our phone right here." She sits down on the couch and turns away from them as she starts to dial.

Chandler leans over and whispers in Monica's ear. "Hey, you know, Joey will be leaving for his class in a little bit. He should be gone for a few hours."

Rachel looks over her shoulder at Chandler. "Yeah. So?"

Chandler stands up and stutters for a moment. "Well, just in case either of you wanted to know, I'll be over there on my own."

Rachel chuckles. "Are you scared?"

He looks down at Monica and then back at Rachel. "No." He shakes his head and storms out of the apartment.

* * *

An hour later, Chandler is spinning around in his chair. He is uneasy, wondering if Monica will go through with it and come over or if she is having second thoughts. He looks over at the clock near the television. 1pm. They only have eleven hours until their deal expires. He stands up and starts to smooth out his pants. "I'm just going to go over there. That's all, and it'll be normal because I always go over there." His feet feel planted to the ground as he pivots to face the door to his apartment.

Just as he finds the strength to move, the door swings open quickly as Monica slips in. She spins around and puts the chain on the door and then looks over at him and smiles.

She has on a thin white t-shirt and tight blue jeans and Chandler can't take his eyes off of her. She starts to slink towards him as he takes a step in her direction. "Wow, you look…"

Monica looks over his shoulder at the clock on their entertainment center. "No time for that!"

They close the gap between them as quickly as they can and start to work on undressing each other when the door abruptly opens, straining against the chain as it stops short.

"Hey. Why is the chain on?"

Monica slowly moves her hands out of Chandler's pants and pries herself loose from his tight grip. He looks over at the door. "Uh, Joe? I thought you had a class."

"It isn't today, it's tomorrow. Let me in."

Monica and Chandler look at each other and share an exasperated sigh. She shakes her head and walks towards the door. "Coming Joe, I must have locked it by mistake when I came over."

She slips the chain loose and Joey enters the apartment, looking around and eyeing the two of them. "Hey Mon. What are you doing here?"

"Uh, I wanted to tell Chandler that he should pay me for all those Jello shots he drank."

"That's a good idea. Oh. And don't forget that he ate all the pizza."

Monica flashes a puzzled look at Joey. "I didn't but any pizza."

Chandler huffs loudly and shakes his head. "I bought the pizza. And I didn't eat it, you did Joe."

Joey looks down for a moment and then smiles. "Oh yeah. Uh, you guys want to order a pizza? Do either of you have any money?"

Monica walks towards the door and weakly smiles at Joey and then turns around so she can get Chandler's attention. "Hey, Chandler, can you come out here with me for a second? I need your help with something."

Chandler nods and follows Monica into the hall. She scans the area and looks back at the door to her apartment. "Rachel is going to go to dinner with Mark so he can prep her for her interview and then she was going to stay over at Ross'. I'll have the place to myself. Come over at six?"

Chandler rubs his hands together as a salacious smile forms on his lips. "That'll give us six whole hours to be naked."

Monica raises her eyebrows playfully and laughs. "That's a whole lotta naked."

The door opens and Joey pokes his head out into the hallway. "What are you guys blabbing about?"

"Chandler won't give me the twenty dollars he owes me for the vodka."

Joey steps out into the hallway. "You know what. He still owes me for those pizzas."

Chandler shakes his head. "Joe. I am not giving you twenty dollars."

"Well, you can at least pay Monica back."

Chandler reluctantly pulls his wallet out of his pocket and hands Monica a twenty-dollar bill. Grumbling loudly the entire time.

* * *

Chandler slips into Monica's apartment and looks around. "Hello?"

Monica walks out of her bedroom wearing a thin robe. "Hey. I was wondering when you would show up."

"I know. Joey wouldn't stop bothering me about those pizzas. I had to give him twenty dollars just so he would take a shower and I could sneak out after I already paid twenty for the pizza he ordered this afternoon. I'm down sixty bucks already."

"Is he going to try to come over here?"

"No. He has a date tonight. That's probably what he needed the money for in the first place." Monica laughs. "So, what, uh, do you have on under that robe."

"Well, won't you have to come over here to find out." Chandler smiles and playfully stalks her from across the room until he is finally standing in front of her. She starts to play with the sleeves of his shirt and he runs the sash of her robe through his hand.

The apartment door creaks open and Ross' voice can be heard carrying through the room. "Monica?" She breathes in sharply and shoves Chandler away from her, causing him to fall backwards onto the floor. She quickly slips into her room and shuts the door behind her before Ross can enter the apartment.

He calls out again for his sister but the only answer he receives is a groan from Chandler who tries to pick himself back up off of the floor. "Chandler? What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I uh, came over to see if Monica was hungry, maybe order some pizza."

"That sounds like a great idea. Can you cover? I don't have any cash on me." Chandler slowly shakes his head but then nods enthusiastically when Ross catches his eye. "Sure, pal. Anything for you."

Monica comes out of her bedroom, wearing a t-shirt and some sweatpants. "Ross, what are you doing here."

"Did you tell Rachel to call Mark?"

"Yes. You're welcome."

"No. Not 'you're welcome', more like, why do you hate me?"

Monica twists her face up and raises her eyebrows in disbelief. "What are you talking about?"

"She's having dinner with a man you went 'homina-homina' about."

Monica folds her arms and stomps her feet. "Ross. Will you grow up. This is a chance for Rachel to maybe get her foot in the door for a career she really wants. Don't you trust her?"

Ros nods reluctantly.

"Okay, so why don't you leave and wait for her to call you when she gets back." She looks over her brother's shoulder and makes eye contact with Chandler. Chandler offers her an impressed smile and flashes her the "okay" sign with his finger.

"Well, if it is all the same, maybe I can wait here. Chandler said he was going to buy a pizza. This way when she gets home, I can apologize. And check for hickeys."

Monica shares a frustrated look with Chandler and he rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders. "Great. I guess I'm ordering a pizza."

* * *

Chandler drops a cold slice of pizza down into the open box on the kitchen table and closes it up. He looks over at the clock. Ten-thirty. One-and-a-half hours left until time expires. He looks over at Monica who gestures with her hands, signalling that she is out of ideas.

Rachel had come home an hour ago, and after sharing with everyone all the details of the job she will be interviewing for, her and Ross had started to argue about Mark again, dragging Monica into their dispute. Every time she tried to get up, or excuse herself, one of them would pull her back down.

"Monica! Will you please tell your brother that this is a great opportunity for me?"

"Ugh, guys. I really don't want to be a part of this anymore. I think I'm going to go to bed."

Chandler's shoulders slump, resigned to the fact that he and Monica will not be sleeping together again. Thanks to their stupid rule. She looks over at him and picks up a few dirty plates, walking them in the kitchen. While Ross and Rachel continue talking on the couch she leans into Chandler and tries to speak as softly as she can. "You know, maybe it's best that we never got to do it again."

"Yeah, it kind of makes that one night special."

Monica nods. "Okay, well. I guess I'm going to go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow?" Chandler nods and they share a high-five.

"Okay children. I'm going to go. I'll see you all in the morning." Chandler turns and flashes a half-smile at Monica as he leaves.

Monica stands in the kitchen for a few moments. She bites her lower lip and then takes a step towards the door, but stops herself, turning around and instead walks into her bedroom, closing the door behind her.

* * *

Chandler rolls over and looks at the clock on his bedside table. 12:01am. Time expired. He rolls back and shuts his eyes tightly, knowing that sleep will be hard to come by tonight as long as he is feeling this frustrated. He hears the door to his apartment open and close, figuring Joey has finally returned from his date. _"Well, at least one of the people who live in this apartment is having sex."_

He jumps up and turns over as he hears his bedroom door open. His eyes adjust to the low light and he sees Monica standing in his doorway. "I, uh, well. I just realized. It's still nine on the west coast. Does that count?"

The tension in Chandler's face melts away, leaving only a relived smile as he leaps up out of his bed and jumps towards her, wrapping her waist in his arms as he pulls her into his room. "Oh, that counts!"


	3. Vicissitude

**Vicissitude**

Chandler walks into The Moondance Diner and slides up to the counter, seating himself on one of the stools as he raps his fingers on the Formica laminate surface. His eyes search back and forth, throughout the entire restaurant, until he finally spies Monica, dressed in her blonde wig and her tight sweater with her fake breasts, walking out from the kitchen in the back. He smiles at her, but Monica doesn't notice him right away as she quickly turns her back to the front of the restaurant, focusing on brewing a new pot of coffee.

Chandler clears his throat to try and get her attention. "Hey, nice rack blondie."

Monica smirks once she hears his voice and turns around to face him. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I had some extra time today on lunch and I was in the neighborhood."

Monica slides up to face him, leaning over the counter, as she takes his hand in hers. "Honey, you don't work around here."

Chandler playfully tilts his head. "Fine. I was nowhere near this neighborhood, but I am on lunch. And looking at the time, it is going to be a very long lunch. It doesn't matter though, because I have some good news and I couldn't wait to share it with you!"

Monica lets go of his hand and reaches over to grab a coffee cup. She fills it and pushes it in front of him." Just in case anyone sees us, you can at least say you came for some coffee."

Chandler nods in agreement. "So, do you remember my weird cousin, Albert?" Monica shakes her head. "Probably for the best. Anyway, I convinced Joey to take him to Atlantic City for his bachelor party and I got Ross to go too."

Monica twists her face up. "How is you going to a bachelor party in Atlantic City good news for me?"

"That's the best part. I'm not going. I told them I have a work conference here in the city that I can't get out of. Albert doesn't care who goes, as long as he gets to see some strippers. I'm beginning to suspect that is the only reason why he is getting married. I even had to pay for the room just to get Ross to agree to it, but that's okay. They're leaving tomorrow night and coming back Sunday morning! We can have a whole weekend with no sneaking around."

"Wow! The whole weekend? Oh, this is perfect timing! Rachel is going to spend Saturday and Sunday on Long Island with her parents. They each want to take her to dinner to celebrate her getting a new job! They will have her out the entire time, trying to outdo each other."

Chandler spins around in a circle on the stool like an excited child and starts pumping his fists. "We will have both apartments all to ourselves!"

The two of them share a smile, but the moment is interrupted when a blonde woman walks in and throws a crumpled-up piece of paper at one of Monica's coworkers who is standing behind the counter.

"So! I'm an empty vase! Who in the hell do you think you are!" The woman grabs a half-full cup of water from the counter and throws it at the man, drenching his face in ice water.

Chandler eye go wide as he leans closer to Monica. "Yikes! What is that all about?"

"I don't know. I left early last night so Jeannine could make a move on Julio over there, but from the looks of it, it did not go well."

Chandler nods as he watches Jeannine pelt Julio with creamer cups. "Yeah, I wouldn't want to be that guy." He turns his attention back to Monica. "I'd rather be this guy who is going to spend all weekend with naked Monica!" Monica purses her lips and shakes her head, attempting to look unamused as she puts her hand on her hip. "Do you want me to come by and walk home with you after work?"

Monica smiles at his offer but then slumps her shoulders. "No. I have this video tape Rachel rented on my card that I have to return after work. But you're still sneaking over tonight, right?"

"Yeah, I'm going to skip coming over for dinner and catch up on some sleep. I figure I could come by at one?"

Monica waggles her eyebrows as a lascivious grin raises at the corners of her mouth. "You better be rested up for tonight. I'm planning on wearing you out."

Chandler looks Monica up and down and then points at her chest. "Maybe keep those in tonight."

Monica playfully slaps him on the arm. "Go, get out of here before you lose your job!"

* * *

Monica glares at the video store clerk. "Six bucks! Come on! It's 8:02! Well, you are going to have to help me out because I only have three dollars!"

"I can help with that."

Monica shivers and then stiffens up as she recognizes the familiar voice of her ex-boyfriend from over her shoulder. "Oh my god. Richard?"

She turns around and Richard smiles at her, fishing into his wallet for a few dollars to hand over to the store clerk. "Hi."

Monica freezes for a moment and then points at his upper lip. "Your lip went bald."

Richard runs his hand over the area where his mustache used to be and pretends to be surprised. "Oh my god someone stole my mustache!" He smiles and brushes some of her hair from her face. "You look great."

Monica blushes and looks down as she plays with her hair. "Thanks, so do you. What are you doing here?"

"Buying a car." Monica shakes her head and shoots him an unamused look. "No, I'm just trying to figure out what movie to rent, but; now that I ran into you, maybe my night will get better. You want to get a hamburger or something and catch up?"

Monica bites at her lower lip. "I don't know if that is a good idea."

Richard offers her a disarming smile. "Oh look. Just as friends."

"Well, I am kind of seeing…" Monica cuts herself off, and looks down at her feet for a moment. "What I mean is, I think it might be too soon."

"No, it's not too soon. I had lunch at eleven. Come on. One burger." Richard offers her another reassuring smile. "What is one burger between friends?"

Monica looks at the clock on the wall on the opposite side of the store. Realizing it will still be a few hours before everyone else falls asleep and Chandler can sneak into her bedroom, she starts to nod. "Sure. I could use a bite."

* * *

Chandler's alarm begins to buzz and he quickly hits the off button. He looks around his dark room and stretches his arms and legs while he is still lying in bed. A slow, sly smile begins to form on his lips as he realizes, in just a few, short minutes, he will be in Monica's bedroom. Kissing her, touching her, feeling her naked body under his own, experiencing pleasure that up until a few weeks ago he had no idea existed.

Energized by those thoughts, he jumps out of bed, but then stumbles in the dark as he grabs for his robe. He finally finds it and takes it down from the hook on the back of his door. He tightens it up and steps into the living room, only to see Joey is still up, watching Television. "Hey, you're still awake?"

Joey nods, never taking his eyes off of the television. "Yeah. I went across the hall tonight, figuring Monica brought home something to eat from the diner, but she got home so late, that I just ended up eating her leftovers."

Chandler tries not to seem too concerned as he further questions his roommate. "Oh, I guess she got stuck late at work."

Joey shakes his head, still staring at the TV. "No, she ran into Richard."

"Dawson?"

Joey finally looks away from the TV long enough to shoot a confused look at his roommate. "No, _The_ Richard. Her ex-boyfriend Richard. They went out for a burger after she got off work."

Chandler starts to nervously tug at the sash of his robe, pulling it so tight he starts to feel it pinch his stomach. "Oh, so…she went out on a date?"

"Yeah, I guess. He wants her to come over his place Friday and she's going to teach him _how to make lasagna_." Joey finishes off his statement by affecting his voice, insinuating that "lasagna" is a double entendre.

"Oh. This Friday night? As in tomorrow?"

Joey looks up again and shrugs his shoulders. "I think so."

Chandler drops his hands to his sides as he releases the sash to his robe. His head drops down, all color drains from his face and he slowly lumbers back into his room.

* * *

Monica rolls over and looks at the clock on her bedside table. 3am. Still no Chandler. She sits up and pulls her knees to her chest as she longingly looks over at her bedroom door. Ever since Joey's birthday party, one of them has snuck into the other's bedroom every night. She wonders to herself if maybe Chandler never woke up from his evening nap. Perhaps he overslept in trying to recharge his batteries for their round or three of lovemaking that was sure to start the moment he walked through her door.

She gets up from her bed slowly and contemplates trying to go over there to wake him up but stops herself from moving any closer to her bedroom door and sits back down. _"Maybe I should let him catch up on sleep. We have the whole weekend he needs to rest up for." _She smiles to herself and settles back into bed. _"The whole weekend. He is going to need his strength."_

* * *

Chandler wakes up early and dresses as quickly as he can, intent on sneaking out and hiding in his office all day. Hoping to avoid everyone and anyone who knows who he is, who Monica is, and definitely who Richard is. He slowly opens his apartment door and closes it behind him, taking care not to make too much noise. He shrinks a bit and sinks into his shoulders when he hears the door across the hall open up behind him.

Before he can turn around, he hears Monica's cheerful voice call out to him. "Hey. There you are."

He turns to face her and flashes a forced, uncomfortable smile. "Hey."

Her own smile fades, and she looks down at her feet for a moment before looking back up and making eye contact. "Umm, listen. There's something I think you should know."

Chandler, still allowing the inhuman grimace of a smile to stay plastered on his face, clasps his hands together. "Oh, is this about the Richard thing? Yeah, Joey already told me. I am so fine with it." He stammers a bit and averts his eyes as he nervously shifts his weight from foot to foot. "I mean, you and I, we're just, you know, we're nothing, we're just goofing around."

Monica steps back from him. She raises one of her eyebrows as she exhales sharply. Clearly agitated and insulted by his words. "Oh, actually, I was going to tell you that I wasn't going to go through with it. But hey, if we're just goofing around, then maybe I will go out with him."

Chandler's fake smile finally falls from his face and he shoots Monica an icy glare. "Fine. Maybe I will too!"

She shakes her head, confused at his words, but before she can say anything else, he swiftly turns and hastily runs down the stairs. Leaving her alone to brood at his off-putting remark.

Monica turns on her heels, huffing and grumbling under her breath as she storms back into her apartment. She walks with purpose towards the phone, picks it up, dials angrily and impatiently taps her foot as she waits for an answer from the other line.

A groggy Richard picks up and croaks out a barely audible "Hello?" through the receiver.

"Richard? I'd love to come over tonight!"


	4. Goofy

**Goofy**

Chandler slumps in his chair, idly picking at objects strewn about his desk. He has been hiding out all day in his office, and now, as the evening descends, he finds himself alone. Everyone else in the building gone for the weekend except a few members of the cleaning crew and the security guard at the main desk in the lobby. Everyone he knows probably feeling no pain as Friday night happy hour is already almost over.

He starts to toss paperclips, one at a time, bouncing them off the end of his desk as he tries to get them in his garbage pail. He mutters out loud to himself, repeating Richard's name as he affects his voice in a mocking tone. He looks up at the clock on the wall. Almost seven. _"She is probably on her way there right now if she isn't there already. They're probably making lasagna. Naked lasagna. Monica and her boyfriend Richard." _

He shoves the rest of the pile of paperclips off to the side and slams his head down on his desk. _"Why am I always the pitstop? First Janice dumps me to go back to her husband and now Monica does the same thing so she can get back together with that big tree. Why did he have to show up now? It isn't fair. He had his chance. He had his chance and he blew it!" _Chandler sits up straight and looks around the room as adrenaline begins to course through his body as he discovers his new purpose. "He blew it, and this is my chance, and I am not going to blow it!"

He leaps out of his chair and races out of his office, forgetting his jacket and briefcase behind. Running faster than he ever has before. He stops himself in front of the elevator and starts to frantically press the down arrow. Tapping his foot and rapping his fingers on the closed door as he watches the elevator slowly descend to his floor, he decides he cannot wait any longer. He cannot waste another second. He shakes his head and darts down the corridor, finding the stairwell and starts to sprint down the stairs. Taking them two at a time, until he finally reaches the main floor and races out of the lobby and into the street.

* * *

Richard checks his bar one more time, to make sure he has everything he needs. The ice bucket is filled, the scotch is chilled and a few fresh lemons are available for a twist and a garnish. He looks up at the clock. Seven-thirty. _"Monica is late. It isn't like her to be late. Maybe she is having second thoughts…"_

Frantic knocking at his door cuts off Richard's train of thought and he smiles in excited anticipation at the prospect of seeing Monica again. He stubs out his cigar and waves his hand about to dissipate the smoke as he skips over and opens the door.

"Hey! I was worried you weren't going to….Chandler?"

A sweaty Chandler stands in Richard's doorway, until he leans over forward. His hands on his knees as he pants and tries to speak. "Monica…me…goofy…no lasagna…birthday party…naked…not nothing…goofy."

Richard puts his hand on Chandler's shoulder as a concerned look falls upon his face. "Are you okay? What are you trying to say? Did Timmy fall down the well again girl?"

Chandler looks up sharply at Richard and sticks his index finger up in the air, gesturing for Richard to give him a minute as he brushes past him, stumbling into his apartment. "Monica?"

Richard, still standing at his door, shakes his head. "She's not here. And please come in."

Chandler, who continues huffing as he tries to catch his breath, looks up at Richard. "What? Not here?"

Richard shakes his head slowly. "Nope. She's also about a half-hour late, which makes me think she might not be coming."

Chandler smiles and gleefully double taps his hands on Richards shoulders. "Thanks!" He then skips past him and races out of his apartment.

Richard sits down and looks at the burnt end of his last cigar that he had extinguished before Chandler's whirlwind appearance. "What a waste."

* * *

Richard looks up at the clock again. Nine-thirty. _"No doubt about it. You have been stood up Dr. Burke." _He walks over to his bar and checks the ice bucket. Melted. Just tepid water remains. He thinks it makes for the perfect metaphor to his evening. He picks it up and walks into his kitchen, dumping the water down the sink when he hears a faint knock on his door.

"Coming! Coming!" He races over and clumsily grasps the doorknob as he swings it open. "Monica!"

Monica looks up at him for a moment. "I don't know why I'm here."

Richard smiles. "Want to come in?"

Monica searches the room from the hallway and wraps her arms around herself. "I don't know."

"Oh, okay. Well, Chandler didn't have any problem coming in when he came over before. It sounds about right that the person I actually want to come in won't."

Monica perks up and steps back from the door. "Chandler was here?" A slow smile starts to form on the edges of her mouth.

"Yeah, I think he was looking for you. I don't know. He wasn't making any sense. He said something about a birthday party and I think he said a Disney character's name. Goofy or something. Is it Ben's birthday?"

Monica smiles as she looks down at the floor. "No."

"Well, I'm going to go sit on the couch and just leave the door open and if you want to come in, that would be okay with me."

Monica shakes her head. "Chandler is such an idiot."

Richard, sitting down and inspecting his stubbed-out cigar again, looks up at her. "Yeah? I always thought he was a good guy."

Monica nods. "He is a good guy. Look, I have to go. I have to figure some stuff out." She turns and walks away, leaving a bewildered and unsatisfied Richard in her wake.

* * *

Monica walks into Chandler and Joey's darkened apartment and starts to look around. "Chandler?" She pokes her head into each of the bedrooms and even ventures carefully into the bathroom, determined to search every inch of their place to find him. She finally walks back and stands in the kitchen, looking one more time at the empty, quiet living room.

She slowly walks out and stops at her door to take a deep breath before entering her apartment. She stands in her kitchen, a dejected look on her face, and stares out towards her own darkened living room for a few minutes. She shakes her head. "I can't believe we ruined this."

Suddenly Chandler's head pops up from behind the couch. "Sorry, I must have fallen asleep. I thought maybe I would, uh, wait for you here and, uh…I guess surprise you."

Monica steps towards him as he stands up. Chandler looks down as he makes a small circle with his foot, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "So, uh, are you really getting back together with Richard?"

Monica folds her arms and purses her lips, still bitter from this morning's encounter with Chandler in the hallway. "Well. I thought if we are just goofing around I might as well goof around with him too."

Chandler winces at that and then looks back up at her. "Oh. Did you, you know, goof around."

Monica shakes her head. "Why did you go to his apartment tonight?"

"Well, uh, I realized that…that you might not know the technical definition of goofing around. I looked it up in the dictionary and goofing around is when two friends, who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex, just want to spend more time together."

Monica shakes her head and looks down, trying to suppress a smile.

Chandler gives a quick shake of his head. "I am so bad at this."

Monica slowly walks towards him, grinning and reaching her arms out, beckoning him to close the gap between them. "I think you're better than you think you are."

Chandler, his hands still in his pockets, finally allows a boyish grin to curl his lips. "So, this isn't over?"

Monica brings her hands up to cover her mouth as she laughs. "You are so cute. No, no. It was….it was just a fight. A misunderstanding. We deal with it and move on."

Chandler becomes giddy and starts to hop around, taking his hands from his pockets and pumping them in the air. "Okay! Great!"

Monica's smile fades for a moment as she offers him a stern glare. "Don't do the dance."

Chandler stops moving and nods. "Right."

Monica reaches her arms around his neck and slowly moves her lips closer to his. "Aww, welcome to an adult relationship."

Chandler pushes back for a moment, a slightly frightened look flashes across his face. "We're in a relationship?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Okay." He returns her smile with one of his own as they pull each other close, sharing a long, passionate kiss.

* * *

Carol stopped by late Sunday afternoon to drop off Ben, after Monica and Chandler shared a quiet breakfast. Monica had previously offered to watch him until Ross returned from Atlantic City. She had talked Chandler into helping out.

She couldn't help but marvel at how comfortable he seems to be as he plays with her nephew. Every now and then, Chandler catches her staring at him, and he looks back at her, offering her a sweet, roguish smile.

She cannot help herself in reveling at how right this moment feels. The two of them, sitting on the couch, laughing and acting silly, trying to keep Ben entertained. For Monica, it almost feels too comfortable. As if, they are supposed to be doing this. For a brief moment, she lets her mind conjure up the possibility that this could be her future, but knowing it is too soon for a thought like that, she brushes the fantasy away, and focuses on what is happening right now.

Chandler props Ben up on his lap and Monica leans over, running her fingers between Chandler's lips as he blows air out, making noises like a motorboat. Ben giggles each and every time, which makes Monica laugh and her laugh warms Chandler's heart in a way he did not know was possible.

She gently squeezes Chandler's shoulder to get his attention. "Hey, do you think you can watch him by yourself for a few minutes while I take a fast shower?"

Chandler, not taking his eyes off Ben, nods as he makes overly expressive faces to make him laugh. "Sure. I think we will be okay for a few minutes."

Monica places a hand on Chandler's cheek and pulls his face to hers. She places a small kiss on his lips. "You are so cute right now; do you know that?"

Chandler smiles through a chuckle and looks back at Ben. "The cute bar seems to get lower and lower."

Monica lifts herself from the couch, running her hand through Chandler's hair as she circles around the back and walks into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. "See Ben. If you stay cute you can get pretty girls like Aunt Monica to kiss you. Can you say 'kiss'?" Chandler then drags the word out. "Kiiisssss." Ben just stares blankly up at him. Chandler starts to look around the living room for a toy to try and use to entertain him while they are alone. "What do you want to do while we wait for Aunt Monica?"

Ben looks over to the bathroom and points. "Monica. Monica bang."

Chandler nods. "Yes. Maybe Monica bang Chandler if you take a nap before anyone comes home."

"Monica bang."

Chandler smirks and moves Ben over to sit on the couch next to him. "Yes. Monica bang. Do you say anything else?"

The door to the apartment swings open and Rachel walks in. "Hey Chandler, how is it going?" She cranes her neck to see the top of Ben's head over the couch. "How'd you get roped into babysitting?"

He turns to look over at her. "I'm just watching Ben while Monica takes a shower. How was your weekend?"

Rachel drops a few shopping bags down on the kitchen table. "Ugh. A little stressful. Two separate dinners where both my mom and dad tried to get me to tell them which one is my favorite. But that did mean I got a lot of presents."

"Nice. For most of my birthday's, Lupita the maid would sometimes give me a Twinkie." Rachel chuckles and shakes her head at his joke. "Hey, do you want to watch Ben for a minute, I just need to run back to my apartment to use the bathroom."

Rachel walks over to the couch and sits down next to Ben. "Of course I can watch this little cutie for a few minutes."

Chandler offers a nod as a thank you and quickly gets up from the couch and speeds out of the apartment.

Rachel scooches down and playfully pokes Ben in the belly. "Hey Ben. Aunt Monica and Uncle Chandler treating you good?"

Ben points at the bathroom again. "Monica."

"Yes, Aunt Monica is in the shower."

Rachel hears the water turn off and a few minutes later, Monica walks out into the living room wearing her robe. "Hey Rach. Where's Chandler?"

"Oh, he had to go to the bathroom." She turns and tickles Ben under the chin as she starts to use a singsong voice. "But that's okay because I get to hang out with this little guy!" She turns again to look at Monica. "How are you? How was your date with Richard?"

Monica scoffs. "It wasn't a date. Anyway, I decided not to go through with it."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I actually hung out with Chandler for most of the weekend. Plus, he was really helpful this morning with Ben. He is really great with kids."

"Chandler? Really? So, you blew off Richard to hang out with Chandler? I thought he was the love of your life?"

Monica stops and looks down for a moment as she contemplates Rachel's words. "I guess not anymore."

"Wow. I guess that means you are really over him."

Monica nods and turns quickly to face the door as it opens and Chandler returns. "Hello children, and actual child."

Ben tugs on Rachels sleeve. "Monica bang."

Rachel laughs. "Oh, is he still on that?"

Monica smiles. "I guess so. I don't care. I just love hearing this little guy say my name."

"Monica bang Chandler."

Monica and Chandler share a quick, worried glance as Rachel chuckles. Monica starts to stammer as she tries to come up with an innocent explanation. "Uh, yeah, Ben, Monica banged Chandler in the head when we were playing."

"Monica bang Chandler."

"Oh, no Ben. I banged him. Oh, wait, that sounds bad too."

"Monica kiss Chandler."

Rachel looks down at Ben and laughs again. "Kiss. Ha, ha. Who taught you how to say 'kiss'?"

Ben looks around for a few moments and then points at Chandler. "Monica kiss Chandler. Monica bang Chandler."

Rachel sits up as her face goes still and looks at Monica and Chandler, both of them sharing a panicked expression. She starts pointing hysterically at the two of them. "What? Oh my god it all makes sense."

Chandler starts to gesticulate with his hands. "What? No, no. No."

Ben suddenly getting excited as the reaction he is getting from talking, starts to repeat over and over. "Monica banging Chandler."

Chandler looks down at Ben. "Not helping!"

"Are you guys having se…" Before Rachel can finish, Monica jumps over the side of the couch and covers her mouth with her hand, only removing it once Rachel seems to calm down. "Okay, okay. Yes. Don't say it. I don't need you teaching Ben that word too!"

Rachel slips out from under Monica and sits up. She points at Chandler. "You?" and then turns to Monica. "And you?"

Chandler walks over to stand in front of the couch and gestures with his hands for Rachel to calm down. "Yes, but you cannot tell anyone. No one knows."

"But how? When?"

Monica stands up next to Chandler, glances at him, and then turns back to Rachel. "It happened the night of Joey's birthday party."

"JOEY'S BIRTHDAY PARTY!"

Chandler puts his hands together, and begins pleading with Rachel. "Please, please, please; we just don't want to have to deal with telling everybody. Just promise you won't tell."

Rachel looks back and forth at Monica and Chandler and, upon seeing their worried faces, finally relents. "All right. This is unbelievable. I mean it's great…"

Chandler turns and looks at Monica. "I know it great."

Monica smiles and wraps her arms around his neck as they share a long kiss, his hands drop down to her waist as they melt into each other. "Woah! Woah! Watch the tongue people. We got a baby over here."

* * *

Monica storms into the apartment and slaps her wig down on the kitchen table. She looks and sees Rachel sitting on the couch, reading a book. "You would not believe my day. I had to work two shifts, and to top it off, I lost one of my fake boobs in a grill fire." She turns to face her, showing off the char-stained part of her sweater. Rachel nods and smiles, almost giddy as she watches Monica make her way to her bedroom. "What are you smiling at?"

"I was just thinking, your day could still pick up."

Monica shakes her head and walks into her bedroom, stopping short as she is surprised to see Chandler sitting on her bed. He is still wearing his work suit. Holding a small clutch of flowers in his hand. She sees a Champagne bottle in an ice bucket resting on a towel on her bedside table with two glasses already filled. "I love this Rachel knowing about us thing!"


	5. Alternative Copies

**Alternative Copies**

Chandler and Phoebe are sitting at the kitchen table in Monica and Rachel's apartment, taking turns bringing Monica's tiny globe/pencil sharpener up close to their eye as they try to find the home country of Phoebe's diplomat. Monica is standing behind them, drying some dishes and chuckling to herself as she watches them.

Chandler hands the globe back to Phoebe. "Maybe it is the hole where the pencil goes."

Phoebe stiffens up as a frightened look falls over her face. "You mean like m-m-m-mole people?"

Before either Chandler or Monica can process what she just said, the front door swings open as Joey pokes his head inside. "Hey. Does anybody need any copies of anything? I'm going to go down to the copy place and hit on that cute girl there with belly button ring."

Chandler smiles and starts to nod. "Oh man. Are you going to ask her out? She is sooooo…" Monica walks behind Chandler and covertly pinches him on the side of his ribs. "OooWW!"

Phoebe looks over at Chandler with a puzzled expression on her face. "She's so ow?"

Chandler looks back-and-forth between Joey and Phoebe and chuckles nervously. "No. What I was going to say is, she's soooo not my type."

Monica smiles as she walks back to the sink and Joey shakes his head. "Really? You used to go down there and gawk at her all the time."

Chandler stammers, flashing everyone a defensive expression. "No I didn't. I made copies. I sometimes need a lot of copies. She just happened to be there. Through no fault of my own." Joey rolls his eyes and Phoebe lets out a quiet chuckle. "Anyway, what is your rush? I thought you weren't into her?"

"Well, ever since I ran into Ginger at the coffee house the other day, I've been feeling a little off my game, and I hear that Chloe is kind of into, you know, casual hook-ups." He gestures towards Chandler. "And you stopped talking about her lately, I figure that means she must have shot you down. Because you used to talk about her a lot!"

Chandler looks over at Monica and shakes his head incredulously. Knowing he can't tell Joey the real reason why he isn't into Chloe anymore, he rolls his eyes and sighs. "Well sure, because I'm Chandler. I'm pathetic. I get turned down by girls who are into casual sex."

Phoebe nods. "That makes sense."

Joey finally steps into the apartment and gestures at Chandler. "Anyway, I didn't think you'd mind if I went down there and…."

Chandler waves him off. "No, no. Go ahead. I, uh, I think I have plans anyway."

Phoebe scoffs but then puts her hand on Chandler's shoulder as she flashes him a sympathetic look. "Sure you do."

Joey gives him a thumbs up. "All right! Great! I'm going to go down there now!"

Phoebe stands up and snatches the globe pencil sharpener from the table. "Ooo. Let me come with you. Maybe I can get them to blow up this globe."

Monica raises her eyebrows and smirks. "I don't know if it works like that Pheebs."

"What? They make a copy and then just make that copy bigger. It's what they do! They make copies!"

Monica and Chandler glance over at each other and shake their heads. Phoebe grabs her coat and she follows Joey out the door before either of them can question her logic. The moment the door shuts, Chandler hops up from his chair as he and Monica practically collide in their haste to embrace each other. They share a long kiss that they follow up with several smaller kisses. They pull away, breathlessly searching each other's eyes. Chandler runs his hands down her sides, past her hips, until he is gripping at her thighs while she has two fistfuls of his hair in her grasp.

"You know, I think we might have the place to ourselves tomorrow. Joey will be out with the copy girl. Ross and Rachel have their anniversary, and Phoebe is going to be seeing that diplomat."

Monica smiles into another series of hurried kisses. "With everyone gone now, we could probably, you know…" Chandler lifts her head and starts a trail of kisses down her neck, allowing his tongue to linger after each one, tasting her skin. Monica moans as she digs her fingernails into the back of his neck. "Give me thirty-minutes. I want to surprise you."

Chandler steps back, still holding her waist tightly. "I don't need thirty-minutes. How about you give me thirty-seconds right now, and then I'll give you thirty-minutes."

Monica playfully slaps him on the chest. "I promise it will be worth it."

* * *

Phoebe glides into Monica and Rachel's apartment, still studying the tiny globe. "Monica?" She looks around and can only see a dim light coming from underneath her bedroom door. She makes her way across the room and knocks.

Monica calls out in a sing-song, suggestive tone. "Come in. I've been waiting for you."

Phoebe shrugs her shoulders and opens the door. "Hi. I just wanted to...Oh! My Eyes! My Eyes!" Phoebe drops the globe and stumbles backwards, spinning around as she covers her eyes.

Monica scurries out behind her, cinching her robe tight. "Oh no, Phoebe. I'm sorry. I was, uh, taking a nap."

Phoebe finally opens her eyes again as her brow furrows in confusion. "Since when do you take naps like that? Oh Monica. At least tell me you were waiting for a guy."

Monica starts to look around the room, searching herself for an answer. "Why yes. I am. I am waiting on a guy. From work. I'm seeing a guy from work! Ha!"

Phoebe looks down, clearly disappointed and exhales sharply in frustration. "Oh, that's terrible. I mean, good for you, but I was going to ask if you could come with me on my date with the diplomat. I had a great time the other night, but his translator makes it hard for us to be alone. Unless this thing you have with this guy isn't that serious."

Monica starts to fluster a bit and she runs her hands over the corner of her robe, playing with the fabric between her fingers. "What? Oh, uh, well, I don't know. I mean, it's kind of serious. Maybe." She lets a sly smirk form on her lips. "It's the best sex I ever had."

Phoebe gasps as her eyes widen with excitement. "Oooo, Really?"

The door swings open again and Monica braces herself for Chandler's entrance, but instead, Ross walks in. He huffs as he demonstratively moves around the kitchen, his hand gestures are erratic as his nostrils flare angrily. "She has to work late tonight! She's cancelling again! Doesn't she understand this is our anniversary?"

Monica and Phoebe look at Ross, both confused by his outburst. He turns around and starts to rummage through the kitchen cabinets. "I need some wine, or maybe some champagne. If she can't come to our anniversary dinner that I'm going to bring our anniversary dinner to her."

Monica flashes him a skeptical look. "Do you really think that is a good idea? Wine at work?"

Before he can answer, Chandler walks in, chuckling to himself as he flips a bottle of champagne in his hand. He looks up, startled to see Ross and Phoebe there, and as he makes eye contact with Monica, she can only shrug her shoulders at him. "I'm glad you guys are here!" He taps the side of the bottle with his fingers. "My office just got wrinkle-free fax paper!"

Ross twists his face in confusion and then points at Chandler's champagne bottle. "Hey, can I borrow that?"

* * *

The next morning, Chandler is poking around in his kitchen cabinets and hears Joey's bedroom door open. "Hey, Joey, do you know where the sugar is? Monica wanted me to bring some over when we went there for breakfast."

"Hey! Skinny nervous guy!"

Chandler tilts his head, bemused at the woman's voice he hears from over his shoulder. He turns around and sees Chloe, the girl from the copy place, walking out of Joey's bedroom as she carries her shoes. "Oh, hey. I guess you and Joey went out."

"Oh, yeah. He's nice, but; you know. I don't like them when they get all clingy."

Chandler tilts his head and wrinkles his brow in confusion. "We're talking about Joe? Right?"

Chloe nods and laughs. "Yeah. I'm just not looking for anything serious. Can you break it to him gently for me? I find the clingy guys don't like hearing it from a woman that, you know, it was just about sex."

Chandler smiles and nods as he smooths out his tie. "Oh, I see, you didn't hear me. This is Joey we are talking about, right?"

Chloe narrows her eyes, not understanding what Chandler is trying to tell her. "Yeah." She scurries past him and opens the apartment door, winks at him over her shoulder and waves goodbye with her finger as she leaves.

Chandler shakes his head and looks up at the ceiling. "She was talking about Joey, right?" He scoffs and decides to abandon his search for sugar. Resigning himself to running down to the store if Monica insists that she absolutely needs it this morning.

He leisurely strolls across the hall, with a slight skip in his step, knowing that as long as Rachel is the only other one there, he will be able to kiss Monica first thing in the morning. A rarity for them since one of their friends is always there. He smiles as he thinks about how amazing these two months have been. All thanks to one drunken night. He lets himself into the girl's apartment, but he stops in his tracks at the image of Rachel sitting on the couch, in near hysteric tears as Monica tries to comfort her.

He raises his eyebrows up, a bemused look on his face. Monica looks up at him from the couch, she tilts her head in Rachel's direction, and shakes her head. "Hey, I think Rachel might want to be alone for a little while."

Chandler nods and turns to walk away when Rachel calls out to him. "Wait! You're a guy!"

Chandler looks himself over and nods. "That's what I've been dressing as for the last twenty-seven years."

Rachel shakes her head as she wipes her nose into her tissue. "Come here."

Chandler walks over and carefully positions himself next to Monica on the coffee table. "What, uh, what can I do for you Rach."

Rachel rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "Ross, he made me so mad last night and I kind of, well, I kind of told him we should maybe take a break from our relationship." Chandler winces and glances at Monica. Rachel squeezes her hands and lifts them up to her face frantically. "The minute Ross left I knew I made a mistake, but I couldn't find him and then I was talking to Mark and he came over with some food and we were eating and Ross came back here and saw us and then he stormed out."

Monica looks over at Chandler and puts her hand on his arm. "We haven't been able to get in touch with him ever since."

Rachel leans forward. "Uh, what, well, what would you be doing right now if this was you and Monica."

Chandler clears his throat nervously and looks over at Monica. His eyes go wide as he starts to mindlessly tug at his shirt collar. "What?"

Rachel shakes her head again. "Just, as a guy, where would you have gone."

"Oh, well," Chandler looks up and starts to tick off his fingers. "I'd probably get drunk, maybe go to a strip bar, try to find someone to complain to, and then hide in my bedroom and never come out again."

Rachel sniffles. "You mean, you think he could be home right now? Hiding from us?"

Chandler chokes a bit on his words as he darts his eyes between the two of them. "Wait. Did nobody go to his apartment to see if he was there?"

Rachel and Monica nod their heads in unison. "We just called, and left a message."

Rachel sniffles a bit as she wipes her face again. "Yeah, and I called his job but he didn't go in today."

Chandler puts a reassuring hand on Rachel's knee. "Look, he is coming back. He just needs to cool off. He's probably in his apartment right now sulking."

"Really?"

"I don't know. That just sounded like the right thing to say. Normally when a woman breaks up with me, she doesn't want to get back together."

Both Monica and Rachel glare at him and he shoots up off the coffee table. "So, uh, do you want me to go to the store to get you that sugar?"

* * *

Chandler struggles to open the door with a handful of mail and a box under his arm. "Hello-ello!"

Monica looks down for a moment. She lowers the mop in her hands that she was wiping the ceiling with. "Hey, you're here early."

"Yeah, I thought maybe, if I came home early from work and no one else was around, we could, well, you know…" Chandler looks up at the ceiling. "Uh, is that banana on your ceiling?"

Monica continues scrubbing at the ceiling. "Yeah."

"Oh. Okay. Just that, I normally just slice mine up and put it in cereal. But, you know, however you get that potassium, right?"

Monica bumps into him roughly with her shoulder. "Shut up."

Chandler places the mail, a newspaper, and a box on the kitchen table. Monica points at the box inquisitively. "What's with the box? Did you order something?"

"Oh, It's yours. I brought your mail up." Chandler strains to read the label. "What is Fabutech?" He starts to play with the corners of the box, as if trying to open it, and Monica slaps his hands away.

"Stop. Don't you know it's a federal crime to open other people's mail?"

Chandler rubs his hand in an exaggerated manner. "Ow, don't you know it is a crime to physically assault people?"

Monica rolls her eyes and sighs as she focuses her attention back on the wayward fruit sticking to her ceiling.

"So, what is it?"

"You don't want to know."

"Oh, okay. So what is it?"

Monica rolls her eyes and sighs loudly. "Ugh. Okay, don't judge me! I saw this infomercial, and um, I swear to you I have never-ever bought anything on TV before." She looks over at the mop in her hands. "Except for this mop. But there was this stuff on leg waxing, it just, it looked so amazing..."

Chandler smiles excitedly. "Waxine!"

Monica narrows her eyes and looks at him suspiciously. "Uh, you heard of it?"

Chandler nods sarcastically, "Oh yeah, big surprise, the drag queen's son has an eye for waxing products." Monica covers her mouth as she laughs. "Wait, is this why your legs are always so silky smooth?"

"Well, I haven't tried it yet." Monica then blushes a bit as she smiles. "Are you saying my legs are silky smooth?"

Chandler allows a sly smile to spread across his lips as he drops to his knees and lifts one of her legs over his shoulder. He runs his hand from her calf up to her thigh on her other leg. "This leg is." He starts to leave a trail of kisses from above her knee to the inside of her thigh. Monica lets her head fall back as a quiet moan escapes her lips. He turns to look at her other leg. "We better inspect this one too."

He begins to nuzzle and nip at her upper leg, slowly working his way up, closer and closer until Monica puts her hand on his shoulder to push him back down. "I haven't done my bikini area yet."

Chandler laughs and lifts her off the floor. "I don't care. Ooo! Maybe, you'll let me watch!" She chuckles and grabs the box from the kitchen table as he carries her into her bedroom.

Chandler pushes Monica back on her bed and starts to take off his suit, Monica peels off her shorts and begins to pull her shirt over her head when the front door to the apartment slams open and shut. They both freeze in their motions as they hear shouting coming from the other room. Chandler quickly glides over and closes the bedroom door as Monica leans up beside him to listen.

"Ross! Nothing happened!"

"Rachel! The one guy that I have had a problem with, the guy who has been making me crazy ever since you got this job and the minute we hit a rough patch, you go running to him. What am I supposed to think happened? You know, it is hard to think you're being paranoid about a guy when you find him, late at night having a romantic dinner with your girlfriend in her apartment. Oh, I'm sorry, were you my girlfriend or were we on a break? I still don't know how that works."

"Ross!"

"I can't even look at you? How am I supposed to trust you?"

Monica slips under Chandler's arm and he hold her close to him as they silently stand against her door. She absentmindedly snakes her arms around his waist and squeezes him tight.

"Ross! You are being unreasonable. It was just some dinner. He wanted to cheer me up!"

"That's funny, I thought that is what your boyfriend is for. To make you feel better."

"Well, you've been doing a pretty lousy job at it lately."

"Yeah? Well don't worry about it anymore, because I quit. Let's just call this what it is. It isn't a break; it is a break-up!"

Monica turns to look up at Chandler, shaking her head as her eyes begin to moisten with tears. "What? They can't be breaking up. Right?"

He squeezes her shoulders as he pulls her in for a hug. "No, of course not. This is Ross and Rachel." They turn their attention back to the fight happening on the other side of the door.

"Oh, so you're just going to bail? Is that it Ross?"

"Look, I'm not the one calling hunky guys to come over. You know what I mean!"

"Oh, come on Ross. I thought you said that there wasn't anything we couldn't work through as long as we love each other."

"Yeah, well, I'm not so sure we love each other anymore." The front door slams shut again and the two of them can hear Rachel begin to sob through the bedroom door.

Monica lifts her head from Chandler's chest, his shirt damp with her tears. "Oh my god. Did that just happen?"

Chandler can only shake his head and shrug his shoulders.

Monica makes her way back to the bed and starts to get dressed. "I should probably go out there and see how she is." She grabs his shirt and hands it to him, and as he is buttoning it up Monica turns and studies him. "They sound like they hate each other. Do you…do you think that could happen to us?"

Chandler pulls her in for a hug and flashes a half-smile. "What? Oh no way. I would never go to dinner with Mark."

Monica sternly looks up at him. "I'm serious. I mean, this is Ross and Rachel."

He kisses her on her forehead. "Well, we aren't Ross and Rachel. We're Monica and Chandler. They're just boyfriend and girlfriend, but me and you? Well, your more important than just a girlfriend. You're my best friend. I'll never be able to hate you."

Monica smiles and pulls him down for a long kiss. "I feel the same way."


	6. A Million Reasons Not To Smoke

**A Million Reasons Not To Smoke**

Monica runs her hand over Chandler's chest, slowly using her fingers to play with his nipples, causing him to jump a little and wince when she squeezes them. She finally glides her fingers over and starts to circle his "nubbin".

"Have you ever gotten this looked at by a doctor?"

He looks down at his chest. "What? This? No. Why? Does it bother you? It freaks you out, doesn't it? You are totally repulsed by it."

"No, I mean, sure; I always saw myself going out with a two-nippled man, but I am still here and last I checked, I am still naked."

Chandler laughs and lifts the sheet to look down at her and nods, clearly impressed by what he sees. "You are still naked." He puts the sheet back and smiles at her as he props himself up on his elbow. "Does my nubbin bother you because of how it looks or is it because you don't like the fact that I am beating you in nipples."

Monica bites her lower lips and hesitates. "Um…"

Chandler rolls over on his side as he laughs and starts to bring his hands up along her abdomen, sliding then higher along her body until he is cupping her breasts as his thumbs starts to trace around her areolas. He begins to stimulate her nipples with his forefingers as she begins to moan. "Because you have nothing to worry about. You win best nipples between the two of us."

Monica laughs and slaps his hand away. "Just between the two of us? Are you saying you've seen a better pairs than the girls?" She starts to shift and sits up, pulling the sheet up as she does. "I think maybe I should sneak back over to my place now."

Chandler frowns and reluctantly nods in agreement. "Why did we stay here anyway?"

"Well, it has only been a few weeks since they broke up, and I just don't know if Rachel is up for seeing us be, you know, a couple."

"Yeah. This has been terrible." Chandler rolls over and starts to search the top drawer to his bedside table. "I mean, they can't even be in the same room together. We spend one day with him, one day with her," he pulls out an old, crumpled pack of cigarettes, "Aha!"

Monica sits up straight and snatches the pack from his hand. "What are you doing?"

Chandler looks up at her sheepishly and shrugs his shoulders. "Well, it just reminds me so much about when my parent split up, and that was when I started smoking, and now I have this urge to…"

Monica scoffs. "You were nine when your parents got divorced."

Chandler offers an apologetic half smile.

She sits up straight and offers him a stern look. "Let me make this easy for you. It's either this." She waves the pack of cigarettes around, "Or this" she points to herself.

Chandler bobs his head side-to-side and whimpers a bit as he hesitates, weighing his options.

"Okay, let me make it even easier for you." She pulls out a single cigarette and holds it up, then she slides the sheet off of her naked body and tussles her hair seductively. "It's either this. "She waves the cigarette under his nose. "Or this." She takes his hand and places it on her naked breast.

Chandler rips the cigarette from her hand and she gasps at first wondering if he made the wrong choice, but he crumples it up and throws it over his shoulder as he rolls her over and presses his body against hers. She smiles into his kiss, "That is more like it." She then gestures with her head over Chandler's shoulder. "But, uh, we have got to clean that up."

* * *

Ross enters the boy's apartment and smiles. "Hey guys! You ready to go to the game?" Joey and Chandler look at each other nervously for a moment and then Chandler gestures for Ross to sit down. Ross looks at them suspiciously. "What, uh, what going on guys?"

Chandler clasps his hands together, rubbing them anxiously and looks over at Joey one more time for support. He then turns back to Ross. "Look. Uh, we just, we think we should talk."

"Okay." Ross sits back as he grins "Are you two splitting up?"

Joey flattens his mouth, clearly not amused and demonstrably stomps over towards Ross. "No! This is about your breakup. It is killing the group!"

Ross twists his face up, clearly offended by his friend's words. "Oh. I'm sorry. Is my breakup too hard for you? How insensitive of me." Acidic sarcasm dripping from every word.

Chandler puts his hands up, gesturing for Ross to calm down. "It isn't that, it's just, look. We all have to split time between you guys because you can't even be in the same room with each other. It's been over a month. We watch laserdiscs at your place, then we go on ski trips with Rachel. We...we can't keep this up. Pretty soon, one of you guys are going to get left out."

Ross snaps his face into a distorted, angry grimace and points at himself emphatically. "Hey! I was here first!"

Joey nods. "I know, but Rachel lives here. You know Monica isn't going to kick her out or anything like that." Ross nods. "So, we all just think that maybe, _maybe_, you guys should try to get along?"

Ross sighs and nods reluctantly. "I guess I can try. But why is this up to me? Two of us were involved in this breakup you know."

Chandler nods. "We know. The girls are actually across the hall talking to Rachel right now."

Suddenly, the three men raise their heads as they can hear Rachel yell, "What do you mean 'my breakup is hard on you'?"

Chandler claps his hands together and grabs his coat. "Well, that sounds like it is going great. Let's go catch that game!"

* * *

Monica reaches under the counter and grabs some sugar to refill the dispenser. Once she is finished, she hands it to Rachel, who puts some in her coffee. "I know you think it might be too soon, but I really think I should try to go on a date or something. I can't just sit around thinking about Ross, you know."

Monica shakes her head. "I know, I guess we all just hoped you two would work this out."

"Monica. It has been almost two months. I know he is your brother, but I am your best friend. Don't you have anyone you can set me up with?"

Monica shakes her head. "Not really. If I'm not here, and not with you, I'm spending time with Chandler." Monica smiles a bit and looks down.

Rachel smiles but then adopts on an aggrieved expression. "You know. You guys have been together for four months now. Don't you think it's time you let everybody know? It is getting really hard to keep this secret in and I already told everyone I work with and they don't seem to care."

Monica's shoulders slump and she nods. "I know, I know. We just, well, we both have had such bad luck with relationships, and this is going so well, and we think part of the reason is because nobody else knows."

Rachel shakes her head. "Okay, but I am telling you, if you don't tell everyone soon, they are going to find out."

Monica leans over the counter and glares at her friend. "Oh, well, how will they find out?"

Rachel shrinks a bit in her seat. "Uh, well, you know…Susie at my office is such a gossip."

Monica smiles and starts to wipe down the counter and approaches another customer who had just finished off his coffee while reading a magazine. "Pete, can I get you something else?"

Pete smiles. "Yeah, I'll take a slice of that cheesecake and a date with your friend if she's handing those out."

Rachel laughs. "Sure, you want to go out with the girl who just complained about a recent breakup. Just what every guy wants, to be the rebound."

Pete shrugs. "Well, I was the rebound leader on my high school basketball team."

Rachel waves him off. "Well, I don't know if I like the idea of going out with someone who already knows about my baggage."

Pete nods as he shoves a forkful of cheesecake in his mouth. "Well, if you are ever in Spokane, Washington, you can see my baggage." Monica and Rachel flash him a pair of quizzical looks. "The airline lost my luggage."

* * *

Chandler comes in and settles his briefcase down on the kitchen table. He looks around the apartment until he spies Monica, still in her work clothes, walking out of her bedroom. She smiles at him as she hurries into the kitchen and he snakes his arm around her waist, pulling her in close to him. "Is anybody else here?"

"Just Rachel."

He leans down as she cups his cheeks in her hands and they share a long kiss. Rachel walks out of the bathroom, and upon seeing them locked in a passionate embrace, begins to grumble. "Ugh. Maybe you guys don't do that around me."

Chandler and Monica turn their heads to face her, interrupting their kiss. "What?"

"It's just that, you know, I don't have anyone to do that with, and isn't this supposed to be a big secret anyway! I mean, what? You don't think anyone will find you kissing here in the secret kitchen?"

Monica shakes her head and releases Chandler from her embrace. "Well, Rach, you could always call Pete. He will probably kiss you."

Chandler darts his eyes between the two of them. "Oh? Who's Pete?"

Monica starts to pull off her earrings and slides her hand inside her sweater to remove her fake breasts. "He is this customer of mine who gave Rachel his phone number. He wrote it on the back of this." Monica lifts up the magazine and hands it to Chandler who looks at it.

Chandler, a slight look of recognition on his face, turns to her. "Pete Becker?"

Monica nods. "Yeah, you know him?"

Chandler flips the magazine over and opens it up, running through the pages until he finds what he was looking for. "Yeah, is it this guy?" He sticks the folded over magazine in front of Monica.

Monica laughs. "That's Bill Clinton."

Chandler shakes his head. "Right, but look at the guy next to him."

"Oh my god, that is Pete. Why is he with Bill Clinton."

Rachel gets up from the couch, finally intrigued by their conversation and starts to walk towards them. Chandler looks over at her and smiles. "Oh he invented this office software. Moss 865. Everybody uses it."

Rachel tense up in excitement. "Oh! We use it in my office! Wait, so are you telling me a millionaire gave me his phone number?"

"Looks like it."

Rachel snatches the magazine from Chandler's hands, races into the living room and haphazardly grabs the phone from the cradle. She skips into her bedroom and closes the door behind her.

Monica and Chandler look at each other, shrug their shoulders and start kissing again.

Rachel yells from her bedroom. "I can hear that!"

Chandler pulls back and a salacious smile spreads across his lips. "Joey's going to be gone all night." The two of them giggle and run out of the apartment.

"I can still hear you!"

* * *

Ross shakes his head as he sips one more time from his beer. "She's on a date?"

Monica sits back in Chandler's Lazy-Boy chair. "Ross. I mean, it has been two months. And you broke up with her. What did you think she would be doing? Dress in black for a year of mourning?"

Ross straightens up and looks at everyone else in the room. "Well, that's okay, I mean, normally the first person you date after a relationship isn't even that special. You know how rebounds are."

Chandler scratches at his chin and looks over at Ross apprehensively. "Well, he is kind of a millionaire."

Ross leaps up from the chair he was sitting in at the kitchen counter and angrily jabs his finger at his sister. "What? Monica! Why would you set her up with this guy!"

Monica huffs and slaps his hand out of her face. "I didn't set her up, he was a customer."

Ross starts to pace the room and stammers. "And you didn't kick him out for loitering or for being a jerk who hits on vulnerable women?"

Monica scoffs again. "Rachel is not vulnerable." She then leans forward in her chair and tenderly takes her brother's hand. "Look, you broke up. You guys don't want to get back together, right?"

Joey, with his eye pressed firmly against the peephole, turns and frantically whispers to his friends. "Ooo, here she comes, here she comes."

Ross leaps up, almost vaulting over the foosball table and shoves Joey out of the way so he can get a look through the peephole. His body twitches as he watches Pete and Rachel in the hallway. "She's laughing guys, that's never a good thing." Pete starts to lean in and Rachel closes her eyes. "Oh, no, they're going to kiss. I can't watch!" Their lips meet for a short peck and Rachel smiles as she says goodnight.

Ross spins around and lumbers into the living room, plopping himself down on the other chair next to Monica. He looks over at her dejectedly. "They kissed. I can believe she kissed him."

Monica shakes her head sympathetically. "I'm so sorry Ross. But look, if you don't want to move on with her, then she is going to find someone else to move on with."

Ross nods and looks around the room in defeat at Chandler, Joey and Monica. "Yeah, but, I just didn't expect her to be able to move on so fast."

* * *

Monica tightens her robe and walks around the kitchen table. Setting up some bowls for the inevitable crowd that will show up soon for breakfast. Rachel slowly steps out of her bedroom and Monica shares a suggestive smile with her. "So, how did it go last night?"

Rachel beams as she recalls her whirlwind evening. "Oh wow, it was great, he took me to Rome for pizza! Rome!"

Monica screws up her face and flashes a skeptical look at her roommate. "Rome? Wow. Sounds like maybe he is overdoing it a little, no?"

"What? If anything, he is doing it just the right amount! Do you know what shopping in Rome is like?"

Monica exhales out a laugh."Wait, what do you mean 'the right amount'?"

Rachel makes a face and twists in place. "Well, he is a little boring. I mean, I think he is very attractive, and he has a lot of money, so you know, It kind of cancels out boring, right?"

Monica huffs and shakes her head, shooting Rachel an admonishing glare. "Is this really what you want?"

"What? To be pampered with the finest things available? Sure. Oh, don't look at me like that. This is just a rebound. Why not have fun with it."

Monica shakes her head and lowers her eyes in defeat. "Okay, if that's what you think."

"Anyway, who are you to talk. You're going out with Chandler."

Monica glares at her friend again, but then looks down and smiles. "Yeah, but that's different. I mean, he's so great and I love him."

Rachel stops in her tracks and raises her hand to her mouth. "What did you just say?"

Monica stammers and starts to quickly walk towards her bedroom. "Uh, I said he's great and then I just stopped talking."

Rachel points at her. "You said you love him."

"No I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

Monica shoves her fingers in her ears and runs to her bedroom at full speed. "I did not! I did not!" She slams the door shut behind her. Leaving Rachel all alone in her wake.

"Wow. I thought they were just doing it. I didn't know they were in love."


	7. Wrestling with the Dollhouse

**Wrestling with the Dollhouse**

"So, let me get this straight; you and Phoebe both have dollhouses now?"

Monica winces a bit and rolls in closer to fit her body up against Chandler. "Well, hers is not so much a dollhouse as it is a house of horrors." Chandler chuckles and she feels his chest vibrate as she rests her head against him. "Speaking of a house of horrors, what the hell are you guys thinking about keeping those two birds in your apartment?"

Chandler gasps defensively. "What? I didn't bring the chick in, that was all Joey."

Monica lifts her head to eye him suspiciously. "And what about the duck?"

Chandler reluctantly nods in submission and the pinches his index finger and thumb together. "Okay, maybe I'm a little responsible."

Monica chuckles and slaps him lightly on his chest. "Well, that is the end of me ever using your bathroom."

"What? Why?"

"Well, where do you think those birds are going to…um…eliminate."

Chandler twists his face up slightly in disgust. "Oh yeah. I didn't think of that."

"Plus, when are you going to have time to take care of them? Between your job and, well, this, I don't see how it will work out for you."

"Oh yeah, well, uh, who is going to watch your dollhouse."

"Dollhouses don't need to be watched."

"Hey, maybe the chick could live in there."

"Maybe he can live in Phoebe's. Anyway, are you still coming by tomorrow for lunch?"

Chandler nods as he steals a kiss against the top of her head. "Uh, I guess so. Is anyone else going to be there?"

"Just Rachel and Pete. Rachel is meeting him there for lunch. I think he is coming back from Japan tonight." Monica starts to run her fingers down his chest again, rubbing her thumb over his nubbin.

"Ow! You know. I am going to have to look into getting that removed if you can't treat it with a little respect." Monica giggles and presses a kiss against his chest. "So, I guess the whole Pete and Rachel thing is going pretty good."

Monica purses her lips. "Yeah, I guess. I think she still finds him a little boring, but she seems happy. Now we just have to figure out something for Ross. Do you know any single women?"

"Yes. Because before we got together people would always confuse me with Hugh Hefner." Monica slaps him on the chest. "Maybe we should ask Phoebe. She has this whole weird menagerie of friends that we never meet."

Monica exhales a laugh and runs her hand down his side, pinching at his ribs. "We need to get some weight on you." Chandler scoffs, pretending to be insulted. "I worry about Ross. I think this has been harder on him than he is letting on."

"Well, we can only do so much, besides, something on me is a lot harder than I'm letting on right now that maybe we could focus our attention on."

Monica screws her face into a frown. "Um, no. I can pretty much feel that."

"Only pretty much?" Chandler rolls over on top of her, pinning her down with his weight as she laughs into a series of kisses, running her hands up into his hair, scratching at his scalp and she pulls him down to her.

* * *

"So, have you thought about what you said?"

Monica, wobbling on her skates, turns to look at Rachel and makes a face, expressing mock confusion. "Thought about what? What did I say?"

"You know. When you said you L-O-V…"

Monica slips over and catches herself on the stool next to Rachel. "Shhh! Chandler will be here any minute!"

"But this is a big deal! I think I'm going to cry." Rachel starts to wave her hands in front of her eyes. "I mean, two best friends falling in love, how often does that happen?"

Monica shakes her head. "Well, we don't know if that has happened yet, so please shut up!"

Rachel looks over at her with a bemused expression. "What do you mean, didn't you say…"

"He hasn't said anything yet."

"Oh." Rachel looks down, her brow wrinkles as she starts to think about what Monica just said. She then waves her hands dismissively. "Oh, so what. You know he does. It's Chandler. This is the guy who fell in love with Janice. You're like, Janice times ten."

Monica raises and insulted eyebrow. "Only times ten?"

"You know what I mean. Plus, I see him with you. He is crazy about you!"

Monica rolls around the counter and falls to the floor. "I'm all right!" She pulls herself up and looks over at Rachel. "Maybe, but until he says it, I don't want to pressure him. You know how he is. He gets all bent out of shape about commitment and everything is going so well. Just don't say anything about it to Chandler."

"Say anything about what to Chandler?"

Monica turns to face the entrance to the diner to find Chandler walking in. She looks at Rachel wide eyed and then looks back down. "Hey! You made it!" She wheels herself over to him and collides into him, knocking them both to the ground. "Wow, you are not sturdy at all. I told you we need to put some weight on you!"

"Very funny." Chandler stands up and pulls Monica up with him. She stumbles a bt and then grabs his waist to steady herself. "So, really. What can't you tell me?"

Monica looks over at Rachel and then back to Chandler. "Well. Uh, you see…um…Rachel thinks Pete is going to propose to her."

Almost simultaneously Rachel and Chandler shout out in shock. "What?!"

Monica turns and looks at Rachel, pleading to her with her eyes. Rachel shrugs her shoulders and shakes her head in reluctant compliance. "Yes. I, uh, well, I saw a receipt on his desk and it looked like maybe it could be for a ring."

Chandler looks at her as his eye go wide. "Really? But that seems so fast. It's fast, right?" He darts his eyes over to Monica who shakes her head.

Rachel adopts a scolding tone. "Yes. And he doesn't know I know, so you can't tell Pete anything."

"You can't tell Pete what?" Rachel turns to face the entrance to the diner as Pete walks in and brings her hands up to her mouth in shock.

Monica squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head. "Son of a bitch!"

Pete looks over at Rachel and laughs. "Wow, I like the food here, but the greetings could be nicer. What can't you tell me?"

"Well…" Rachel looks around the room and then darts her eyes between Monica and Chandler. "You see…Monica and Chandler are seeing each other. But it's a secret."

Pete looks at the two of them. "Is that all? I mean, isn't it kind of obvious?"

Monica rolls over to Pete as she raises an admonishing finger in his direction. "What?" She rolls too fast on her skates, losing control and crashes against him. Pete catches her before she falls to the ground and lifts her back so she is standing upright. "Wow, you're a lot sturdier than Chandler. He crumpled like a piece of paper."

Chandler spins around defiantly. "Nuh-uh! I crumpled like a piece of tissue paper!" He turns to Rachel and looks up at the menu. "Maybe I do need to put some weight on. Do you guys sell shakes?"

Pete laughs and pushes Monica lightly so she can roll back to the counter. She grabs the edge as she spins around it and lands on the floor again. "I'm okay!" She pops back up. "So, who's hungry?"

Pete walks over to the counter and kisses Rachel quickly as he looks at Monica and Chandler. "So, should I tell them?" Rachel smiles and nods as she clasps her hands together excitedly.

Monica leans over the counter, supporting herself so she doesn't fall again. "Tell us what?"

"Well, before I left for Japan, I got this investment opportunity and Rachel kind of convinced me I should do it. So last week I became a major investor in a new restaurant that has just opened up, Javu. Have you heard of it?" Monica shakes her head and then looks at Chandler. "Anyway, we need a head chef and this girl I am dating told me all about this really great chef who might be available."

Monica starts to shuffle a few menus to hand out to everyone and then looks back up at Pete. "Oh, I didn't know Rachel knew any chefs."

Rachel rolls her eyes. "Monica. We're talking about you!"

Monica's eyes go wide is shock. "Are you serious?"

"Job's yours if you want it." Pete slips his arm around Rachel and smiles proudly. Monica raises her hands up to her face, trying to cover her smile.

Chandler reaches over the counter to grab her hand and she squeezes it so hard that he yelps a bit. "Is this for real?"

Rachel nods and wipes a stray tear from under her eye.

"Well, yes! I am in! I'm gonna go quit right now!" Monica wheels around the counter and overshoots the entrance that leads to the main office. Chandler hooks his arm out and she grabs it, spins around him, and redirects herself in the opposite direction. "I'm gonna be a chef!" She turns to the right and a loud crash can be heard. She speeds past the opening again. "I'm all right!"

Pete looks over at Chandler with a concerned look on his face. "Don't you think you should catch her?"

Chandler shakes his head. "No. I'd be no help there."

Rachel nods in agreement.

* * *

Monica and Chandler are sitting with Phoebe on the couch at Central Perk. Ross is sitting in the chair next to them, his eyes wide with excitement. "Phoebe, what else can you tell me about her?"

"Well, Bonnie is a lot of fun, kind of a free spirit. She can get a little annoying with it though. You know. She isn't as grounded in reality as I am."

Ross looks over at Chandler and Monica suspiciously. "Okay, but she looks nice, right?"

"Oh yeah. Once you get past the bald head."

Chandler raises his hand as if in a classroom. "I'm sorry, her what now?"

"Bald head. Oh yeah, she shaves her head."

Ross tosses the paper he had in his hand down on the coffee table. "Phoebe!"

"What? Oh, you're going to judge her based on that? I told her you were a paleontologist and she didn't freak out."

Ross exhales out a pompous scoff. "Why would she freak out about that?"

"Well, you like dinosaurs a little too much for us normal girls."

The door to the coffee house opens and a woman squeals in delight, causing everyone to turn their heads. "Phoebe!" Bonnie bounces over to the group and smiles. Her infectious energy already affecting the four of them as they all smile and nod enthusiastically.

Phoebe brings her hand to her mouth. "Oh no! You grew your hair back!"

"Why? Does it not look good?" Bonnie starts to toss it around off of her shoulders.

Phoebe shakes her head. "Oh it looks great, it's just, well….Ross was expecting a bald girl. Now I feel like he is going to be disappointed."

Ross clears his throat to get Bonnie's attention. "Uh, I am the opposite of disappointed. Hi Bonnie, I'm Ross."

"Hey Ross, nice to meet you. Uh, looks like the couch is full, mind if I just sit here?" Bonnie swings over and sits on Ross' lap. "So, how is everybody?"

Rachel walks into the coffee house and screws up her face, scowling as she see Ross with a pretty blonde woman on his lap. She shakes her head to regain her focus and walks over to her friends, sitting on a chair by the high-top tables. "Hello everyone. Oh, uh, Ross, aren't you going to introduce me to your new friend?"

Ross stammers a bit and points at Phoebe. "Actually, she's Phoebe's friend. We just met."

"Oh, that makes sense. I normally sit on the lap of men I just meet."

* * *

Monica sits up suddenly as her bedroom door opens up and Chandler slips inside. He smiles at her and she shivers in anticipation. He slides under the sheets and she wraps her arms around him, lowering her hands to his buttocks as she squeezes them. "I missed you today."

"Ow!"

"What?"

Chandler leans over and tries to take his weight off of his back side. "No, it wasn't you. My boss, he, well, he kept slapping me on my butt today."

Monica leans over to look at him and slips his boxer shorts down a little. "Ooo. They're all red."

"I know, but he does it to everyone and nobody seems to think it was a big deal. I just didn't want to be the one guy in the office who had a problem with it."

Monica shakes her head. "I have to tell you, I think it's okay to be that guy."

"Well, I was thinking maybe I just don't turn my back to him. I'll just walk backwards out of every room for the rest of my life."

"Oh, don't be that work weasel guy."

Chandler flashes her an offended expression. "What?"

"You know, the guy who acts different at work. The suck up. Nobody likes that guy."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. You need to be this guy." She starts to play with his t-shirt, bunching the fabric between her fingers. "The guy who I have in my bed right now. My boyfriend, who I respect." Chandler looks down, clearly affected by her words. Monica lifts his head up and places a gentle kiss on his lips. "Hey. I have an idea." She rolls over on her back and slides the sheet down. She reaches behind her and slowly raises her nightie up, exposing her bare buttocks. "How about you show me some of that butt slapping technique right now?"

* * *

Monica slips out onto the balcony where Chandler and Ross are grilling some food. While Ross is distracted, flipping some burgers, she steals a smile with Chandler and gently slides her hand up his arm. "Hey, Ross, you wanted me to get you when the fight was about to start."

Ross develops a giddy smile and hands the spatula to Chandler, who looks at it as if it were a strange, alien artifact and then hands it to Monica. "Oh man! I love watching Pete get his ass kicked!" He squeezes past them and hurries back into the apartment.

Monica positions herself in front of the barbeque and begins to flip some of the other burgers. "Wow. Well, at least one person is happy about Pete's new obsession."

Chandler laughs. "I know. Although you seem more upset than Rachel does."

"I guess, I just kind of imagine, what if that was you? I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try to talk you out of doing something that you got hurt at all the time."

Chandler laughs. "Well, you don't have to worry about that. I'm more of a cowardly lion type. But if it makes you feel any better, the next time I have a jar of pickles I can't get open, I will call you to help."

Monica holds the spatula up and laughs. "You already do that."

Chandler nods and takes a sip of his beer. "Do you think this is all working out? I mean, Rachel and Pete. Ross and Bonnie. When we were at Joey's play the other night, it felt like you could cut the tension with a knife."

Monica peaks inside the apartment to make sure no one is watching, and then gives Chandler a quick peck on his lips. "We've worried about those two enough. I'm sick of it. It's obvious they aren't over each other. They're both jealous." She lets her hand slide down to his as she holds it tightly. "I mean, people should just be honest with each other about how they feel."

Chandler takes another swig of his beer. "I don't know. Normally, when I am honest about how I feel, the other person runs in the opposite direction."

Monica turns away from him, a sad smile on her face. "Well, maybe you haven't told the right people how you feel."

Chandler looks down for a moment and then looks back over at Monica, her attention focused on the grill. He watches her face and a warm smile spreads across his lips. He breathes in deeply and puffs out his chest as his expression becomes earnest. "Monica, I lo…"

Suddenly, there is an eruption of noise from inside the apartment. Monica looks up and spins around as she sees Ross trying to cover his glee alongside the horror on everyone else's face. She quickly pulls the rest of the food off the grill and the two of them return to the inside of the apartment.

"What? What happened?"

Ross, still stifling a chuckle, points at the television. "Well, let's just say, Pete may not be able to have any children for a while."

Monica gasps. "What?"

Joey turns to face Monica and Chandler, who are still staring at the screen in horror. "Well, Bruiser seems to have a favorite area to hit his opponents in."

Phoebe winces at the screen and then turns away. "If that's his favorite area, why is he being so mean to it?"

Ross laughs again. "I guess when he gets back to his hotel room with Rachel, there won't be any boom-boom going on tonight."


	8. She's a BeachHouse

**She's A Beach….House**

"So, you're first sexual experience was with a woman?"

Bonnie smiles, clearly amused at Chandler's reaction to her indiscreet confession. She leans further back into Ross, who wraps his arm around her shoulder. "Well, I was fifteen, and it was my best friend Ruth, and we got drunk on that hard cider, and then suddenly, we were making out."

Chandler giggles and nods. He turns to look over his shoulder from the couch and sees Rachel and Monica at the counter, both of them clearly not amused. Monica takes her coffee from Gunther and plasters a fake smile on her face. "Oh, did you like that story Chandler?"

Chandler straightens up and shakes his head. "No, no. Of course not. I, uh, just feel like women should be able to express themselves…uh…sexually. You know, like The Spice Girls say, girl power."

Monica twists her face up at him and then turns back to Rachel. "Ugh. Does that woman talk about anything but sex?"

Rachel nods and scoffs, looking in her direction. "And could she maybe wear a bra?"

Joey looks up from his stool. "Wait, she isn't wearing a bra?" Monica and Rachel shake their heads. "See ya!" Joey leaps off of the stool and vaults himself towards the couch, positioning himself on the arm, over Chandler's shoulder. "Hey, Bonnie. Could you tell that story again?"

Rachel sighs and rolls her eyes. "Look at them. Ugh."

Phoebe jogs into Central Perk excitedly, holding a photograph in her hand. "Hey guys! Look what I found!" She hands the photo to Chandler. "That's my mom's handwriting!"

Chandler reads from the back of the photo. "Me, Frank and Phoebe, graduation, 1965." He nods and hands it back to her.

"Do you know what this means? This woman could have all sorts of stories about my parents! She might even know where my father is! I looked her up and she lives out on the beach. I was thinking, maybe we could all go this weekend." Phoebe looks around at everyone, practically jumping with excitement.

Rachel nods enthusiastically and points at her. "Oh, hey, you know what. Pete has this great house in Montauk. I bet we could stay there."

Ross groans. "Oh, great. I guess we are all in for a weekend with Mister-gets-kicked-in-the-groin-a-lot." He giggles to himself, proud of the nickname he just bestowed upon Rachel's boyfriend.

Everyone else screws their face up at Ross and he shrinks back into the corner of the couch. Rachel shakes her head. "Oh, Pete won't be able to go. He is still in one of those neck stabilizer things. Also, I don't think he can lift his arms."

Bonnie lets out a disappointed sigh. "Oh shoot! I can't go either. I have to work!"

Rachel looks down and smiles to herself. "Oh, bummer." Monica slaps her lightly on the arm and shakes her head.

Phoebe claps her hands! "Oh great! So, maybe we can all drive there tomorrow!"

* * *

Chandler slips into Monica's room and slides up next to her as she frowns at him. Her eyes dropping down to the facial hair he has inexplicably decided to try and grow.

He offers her a nonplussed expression. "What?"

"You have to shave that off."

Chandler runs his fingers over his goatee. "What? This? Really? I thought it made me look manly."

Monica twists up her face and shakes her head. "No. It makes you look like you're about to play a game of hacky-sack." Chandler groans and rolls his eyes as he slides closer to her, his hands already beginning to run up her stomach to her chest. She twists her lips up again in disapproval. "It's just, guys with those things, well, they don't actually scream, 'hey, this guy is boyfriend materiel'. They do however say, 'that's my boyfriend's pot dealer'." Chandler groans and shakes his head. Monica flashes him her puppy-dog eyes. "Come one, shave it off. For me? It can be my five month anniversary present."

"But I like it. All the young people have these. I think it makes me look hip and with it."

"None of the young people say 'hip' or 'with it' anymore."

Chandler scoffs. "Which is why I need the goatee. Otherwise, when I open my mouth, everyone will know how uncool I am. Now when I introduce myself I can be all like" Chandler affect his voice to make it deeper, "Hi, nice to meet you, how you doing, hiya."

Monica laughs. "Do you really think a creepy fake voice is the way to go?" Chandler shakes his head. Monica rolls over on her side and faces him, she playfully runs her hand through his hair. "Well, how about this. If you shave that off, then I'll do that thing for you that you keep asking me about."

Chandler jumps up from the bed and races towards the door. "I'll be right back!"

* * *

"Oh my god. This isn't a beach house. This is a beach mansion!" Joey drops his bags on the ground as his mouth opens wide, scanning the entire place.

Ross scoffs. "Yeah, well. I could have bought one of these if I lucked into inventing some crappy software."

Chandler pats him on the shoulder as they all make their way inside. "Way to save your dignity, my man."

Once inside, Rachel spins around and smiles. "Well, according to Pete, there are enough rooms upstairs for everyone to have their own and that door back there leads to a private beach." She grabs Monica by the wrist. "Mon! Pete said you were going to love this kitchen!" She drags Monica further into the house as she can only look back at everyone and grimace, sealed to her fate of a private tour from her best friend.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Ross, Joey and Chandler were content to sit around a table in the sun room towards the back of the house. Hard rain splattering against the windows as the winds whips the canopies and umbrellas about outside. Chandler looks out at the inclement weather and makes a face. "Well, I guess we can't really call this a sun room anymore."

Joey groans. "Oh man. We've been stuck in here for hours! I'm so bored!" He looks around the room and his eyes go wide with discovery as he spies a deck of playing cards! "Oh! We can play strip poker!"

Monica, who is having her toenails painted by Rachel on one of the other couches, shakes her head and twists up her lips in disgust. "We are not playing strip poker."

Chandler catches her eye, gestures with his head towards the ceiling and waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Monica turns around and stifles a laugh. "Anyway, there's a ton of stuff to do here. How about when Rachel finishes my nails, I'll use that margarita machine inside and we can all have a few drinks!"

Joey nods. "You're right. What was I thinking? We should be drunk first and then play strip poker." The rest of the group groans in protest.

"And done!" Rachel sits back to admire her handiwork. "Okay, who's next?" Chandler and Joey scoff as they look at each other. Ross gets up from his seat at the table and walks over to a wicker couch closer to the large picture window facing the beach. He begins to stretch out his legs across the length of the sofa. Rachel smiles mischievously. "Ross. Let me do yours."

"Uh, no thanks."

"Oh, come on." Rachel gets up and starts to walk towards him. "You let me do it before."

Joey and Chandler both share a look and then turn to face Ross. "That was because I knew I would get sex after. Now, if that deal still applies…" Rachel smirks and shakes her head. "Well, then, no."

Rachel creeps up closer to him and then pounces on him. "Yes!" The two of them begin to tickle at each other on the couch as Joey, Monica and Chandler all look at each other, confused by what is happening between their two friends.

* * *

Chandler slides up next to Monica, who is starting to fill the margarita machine. She smiles at him, and as they stand behind the counter, he slowly places his hand on the small of her back, using his pinky to slip underneath the waistband of her pants, stroking at the bare skin right above her buttocks. "You know, maybe we can sneak that deck of cards upstairs tonight and play a little game of our own."

Monica closes her eyes for a moment, reveling in their physical contact. "Wouldn't it just be quicker for you to take off all your clothes when you come to my room instead of wasting an hour losing to me?"

Chandler laughs and then suddenly pulls his hand back when he hears the kitchen door open. Phoebe walks in, looking to be lost in her own thoughts. "Hey Pheebs. How did it go with the other Pheebs." Chandler chuckles to himself, but stops when he realizes no one else is amused by his joke.

Phoebe walks past the two of them, clearly in a fog. Monica lifts her eyebrow and calls out to her. "Phoebe?"

Phoebe shakes her head and turns around. "Oh, hi. I think, uh, I think she might know where my dad is." Phoebe pulls out a photograph. "Look. This was on her fridge. Doesn't that look like my dad."

Monica and Chandler lean over and study the photo. "Yeah, he kind of looks like him."

Joey looks up from the kitchen table as Ross and Rachel slap at each other's hands, the two of them still trying to get in one last playful jab. "What are you gonna do Pheebs?"

"Well, we are going to have breakfast tomorrow, so I'll confront her then. Ugh, this is too much for me and it is knocking my chakras all out of whack. We should play a game! Does anybody have any ideas?" Phoebe grabs a glass that is already filled with margarita and she begins to sip at it. "I know! I'll close my eyes and spin around and whoever I land on gets to decided. And we have to do it!" Phoebe covers her eyes and takes a few spins around until she finally stops, her extended finger pointing at Joey. The rest of the group groan immediately as Joey claps his hands and rubs them together suggestively.

* * *

Joey, now almost completely naked, sits in his chair, sulking. He starts to strip off a sock and narrows his eyes at Chandler. "You know. You could have folded."

Monica laughs and Rachel stands up, pouring the last of the margarita in the pitcher into Ross' glass. He looks up at her and pretends to be aghast at her actions, bringing the back of his hand to his forehead. "What the devil are you doing Ms. Green? Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"I'm just making some more margaritas." Rachel hops up and skips over to the kitchen island and starts to fiddle with the bottle of tequila.

Monica puts her cards down. "I'll come help." She hops up from her chair, revealing she isn't wearing any pants.

Chandler can't help but looks over and watch her as she walks past him, a lascivious smile on his face. Suddenly, a pretzel whacks him in the head. He turns to see Ross, with a scowl on his face. "Hey! Are you checking out my baby sister?" Chandler winces and pretends to look embarrassed as he shrugs his shoulders and starts to shuffle the cards.

Monica looks over her shoulder and then back to Rachel and starts to whisper to her. "What is going on here?"

"What do you mean?"

"You guys are totally flirting with each other."

Rachel flashes and awkward, half smile. "I mean, maybe."

"What about Pete, and Bonnie. I mean, are you trying to go back down this road again?" Monica stares at Rachel, her eyes almost demanding an answer.

"Look. I don't know. I'm not like you, okay? I can't just hide my feelings like you are doing with Chand…"

Monica waves her arms frantically and cuts Rachel off with a loud "Shush!"

Everyone at the table turns to look at her and she offers them back a nervous smile. "Oh, uh, just a bug. See, there it is again." She begins flailing her hands around. "Shush fly! Shush!"

Ross looks around the room, confused by his sister. "Um, isn't that 'shoo fly'?"

Monica narrows her eyes at her brother and then turns to face Rachel again. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, he is totally into it. He can't stop looking at you. Do you think you really want to try again?"

Rachel starts to nod, but before she can speak, the front door to the beach house opens as Pete and Bonnie walk in. Bonnie points over at Pete. "Hey! Guess who stopped by and picked me up so we could surprise you guy!"

Joey looks around the room and, with a degree of uncertainty, mutters, "Santa Claus?"

Phoebe slaps Joe on the arm. "Joey, don't be ridiculous. Santa only come down here on Christmas Eve." Joey responds to her with a sagely nod.

Bonnie starts to approach the gang at the table. "Hey, what are you guys doing?"

Joey smiles proudly. "Strip poker!"

"Cool, let me catch up!" Bonnie pulls her shirt off over her head and laughs.

Pete stiffly lumbers over to the table. "Oh yeah, me too." He struggles with one hand, trying to take his shirt off, and it gets stuck on the cast that he has on his forearm. Everyone looks at him and winces, grimacing as they see the black, blue and purple bruises up and down his ribcage. "I'm almost there." He finally rips the shirt off and drops it to the floor. "Um, I might need help with the rest of my clothes."

Joey and Chandler jump up from their seats and both share a look of uncomfortable disgust. Chandler looks at his bare wrist as if he were checking a watch. "Well, look at the time! I think we should all get to sleep if we want to beat the crowd to the beach tomorrow morning."

Pete looks up at him incredulously. "Uh, we have our own private beach. There is no crowd."

Joey nods and looks at Chandler while he clutches his clothes to his body. "Yeah, well, you know, better safe than sorry!"

* * *

Chandler slips out of his bedroom and stands in the long hallway, darting his eyes between the ten, identical doors. All leading to a different bedroom. He shakes his head for a moment and takes a few, hesitant, half-steps into the corridor. "I have no idea which one of these is Monica's room."

He takes a few slow steps, trying to stay as quiet as possible, and begins to count off the doors. "I think maybe, third door on the left?" He slowly opens the door and slips inside, closing it quietly behind him. He turns and tries to make something out in the darkened room. "Hey, you in here? Can you turn a light on or something?"

Just then, he hears Joey's voice call out his name. "Chandler?" followed by the click of a chain as the room becomes bathed in a low light. "What are you doing here?"

Chandler looks at Joe, wide eyed and starts to back up out the door. "Oh, well, you see, uh, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I know how much trouble you have sleeping in a new place!"

Joey nods and smiles. "Wow, thanks pal. You are a true friend. Hey, you didn't bring me any of that leftover ziti Monica made for dinner, did you?"

Chandler looks down at his empty hands, his eyes open wide in disbelief. "Um, no Joe. I guess I didn't."

"Dammit."

Chandler shakes his head and slowly steps out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. He turns around and bumps into Ross, who was also creeping around the hallway. Ross nervously looks over at him. "Oh, uh, hey, Chandler. What's up? What are you doing out here?"

Chandler looks at Ross and lets out a nervous, forced chuckle. "Oh, me? Just uh, checking in on Joe. You know how he is. Scared of his own shadow."

Ross nods. "I know. If you are wondering why I am out here, well, I was going to do the same thing. So, uh, I guess since you just did that, I will just go back to my room." Both Ross and Chandler slowly back up from each other, reaching behind them as they get closer to another random bedroom door, they smile at each other as they open their respective doors and scurry inside.

Chandler lets out a sigh of relief until he hears the low voice of a groggy Pete Becker. "Hey, who's there?"

"Uh, Pete. Hi. You wouldn't happen to be, um, on any kind of painkillers? Would you?"

Pete slurs and lets out a moan as he rolls over in his bed. "Oh yeah. A lot. I can't feel anything right now."

Chandler chuckles and lets himself back out of the room. "Well, then, this was no one. Just a figment of your drug addled mind. Go back to sleep and dream of…uh…whatever it is a millionaire would dream about."

Pete shifts in his bed and grumbles again in a sleepy voice. "I will be the Ultimate Fighting Champion."

"Sure you will," With that, Chandler closes the door behind him and looks around the hallway again. Exasperated, he finally resorts to pointing at each door. "eenie meenie miney mo." He resigns himself to walking into the bedroom door that he is pointing at last and slowly slips inside. "Psst. Hey. Please be the right room." He reaches over and turns on the light switch and stares down at a very familiar, empty bed. "Oh, great work Bing. This is your room!"

He shakes his head again and sneaks back outside into the hallway, but quickly slips back into his room when he sees Ross closing a door behind him. "Oh no Pete, this was all a figment of your imagination." He leaves his door slightly ajar and peeks out, watching Ross spin around a few times as he points at a few more doors and mutters to himself. When it appears that he finally decides on another door to enter, he slowly turns the knob and slips inside.

Chandler hurries out of his room and blindly walks down the hall, checking over his shoulder to make sure no one sees him. He finally picks another door to try and steps inside. He stiffens up for a moment at the entryway, looking at the person inside. "Oh, hey."

* * *

Monica is startled when the light tapping on her bedroom door is followed by it swinging open quickly before she could answer. She shifts a bit in bed, forcing herself to sit up straight as she fusses with the comforter, futilely attempting to flatten it out. She pulls the covers to her chest and twists her face up. "Ross! What are you doing in here?"

Ross looks over at her confused and starts to look around the room. "Dammit. All these doors look the same!" He turns around and walks back out into the hallway, closing the door behind him.

Once Ross is gone, Chandler pops up from under the covers and darts his eyes nervously at the door. "Do you think he knew I was here?"

* * *

Monica makes her way down the stairs and sees Ross and Rachel wrapped up in an embrace. The two of them looking into each other's eyes and sharing a kiss. "Uh, what is going on?"

Ross smiles as he faces his sister. "Oh, well, you see…" Rachel giggles a bit and kisses him on the neck, forcing him to lose his concentration.

Monica's eyes narrow as she studies the two of them closely. "Are you two...are you guys back together?"

Rachel laughs and smiles as Ross squeezes her closer to him. "Yeah, Ross and I talked last night, and we realize that we still love each other."

Monica slowly starts to smile but then, a concerned look washes over her face. "Wait. What about Pete? Bonnie?"

Ross clears his throat. "Oh, well, actually, Pete and Bonnie left together this morning when we told them. He called a car and, well, actually, they just left."

Rachel smiles. "I actually think they hit it off last night when they rode out here."

Monica nods. "Oh, well, I guess that means everyone gets a happy ending."

Ross frowns a bit and shakes his head. "Well, if that happy ending involves all of us getting thrown out of here in fifteen minutes. Pete is sending his security to escort us all off the grounds. It seems he didn't really take to well to being dumped in his own beach house."

Rachel sighs. "Yeah, and we may have to walk too. Phoebe took the cab and drove over to the other Phoebe's house."

Monica lets out a frustrated growl and storms back upstairs. "You guys are lucky I like to pack under pressure!"


	9. Role Reversal

**Role Reversal**

Monica slaps her cards down and fans them out proudly. "Gin!"

Chandler wrinkles his brow as he looks over at her inquisitively. "We were playing gin?" Monica chuckles and gathers the cards from the table. She starts to shuffle them in her hands, concentrating on her task.

Chandler takes a slow swig from his bottle of Yoo-hoo as he eyes her suggestively. "Hey, you know, if we were a couple, we could play this game naked."

Monica halts her motions and tilts her head as she looks at him. A bemused expression on her face. "We are a couple."

Chandler wiggles his eyebrows at her and Monica pauses her motions as a sly smile spreads across her lips. She grabs the cards and starts walking backwards towards her bedroom, kicking off her shoes as she tries to unbutton her pants with one hand.

Chandler leaps up from his chair, pumping his fists as a giddy chuckle escapes his lips. He yelps out a celebratory "Yipee!" as he starts to tug his t-shirt over his head, stumbling through the apartment, and narrowly escaping tripping over the couch.

* * *

"So, they took everything?"

Chandler sits up on the edge of the arm of the couch and looks around the coffee shop, his eyes bulging as he recalls his discovery of the nearly empty apartment. "Well, we still have the dog."

Ross shakes his head. "Oh, man. What are you guys going to do?"

Chandler lets his fingers dance on his chin, as if in deep thought. "Well, I think, we might be getting a canoe. So, you know, there's that."

Ross can't help but laugh and he looks over at the counter and then back to Chandler. "Hey, I think that girl is checking you out." Chandler scoffs. "No, seriously, look."

Chandler looks up towards the counter again and briefly makes eye contact with an attractive woman with reddish, black hair. She flashes a bashful smile and then looks back down at her paper. He lets a half-smile lift the corner of his mouth as he allows himself a moment to bask in the glory of her attention. It feels nice to think someone that attractive might be looking at him, but he quickly thinks of Monica and shakes his head.

Ross leans forward, clearly impressed that his friend may be able to snag such a beautiful woman. "You should go over there man. It isn't often a woman who looks like that checks you out." Ross looks up, contemplatively. "Or really any woman for that matter."

Chandler mocks a fake laugh, "Wow, thanks for the pep talk my man." and then slides down onto the couch. "No thank you, I already have…uh…been shot down this week. Why make it twice?"

Ross shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "Well, all right. It's your life." He gets up from his seat and stretches a bit before letting his eyes fall to the back of the coffee house. "I'll be right back. If Gunther comes by, can you order me a refill?" He turns and walks with a purpose towards the bathroom.

Chandler smiles and drops his eyes down to a magazine on the coffee table. There was this strange sense of comfort in knowing that he didn't care about some random woman who may or may not be interested in him. Not long ago, he would have started sweating profusely, second guessing himself, and stammering like a fool. Trying to win her over with a well-placed, self-deprecating joke. But now, all he can think about is Monica. She's the only beautiful woman he wants looking at him. Or at least, the only one he cares to know is looking at him.

"Um, hello?" Chandler turns around and jumps back, slightly startled as the woman from the counter approaches him. "Hi, I, uh, well, I was just sitting there. My name's Kathy by the way. Did I say that?"

Chandler chuckles. "No, I don't think you did. Uh, how are you? My name's Chandler."

She pushes a small bit of hair from her face and smiles as she looks down self-consciously. "Well, look, I normally don't do things like this, but, well, you looked really cute and I like your nose."

Chandler can't help but laugh to himself as he brings his finger to his nose. "This nose?"

Kathy smiles and nods. "Uh-huh." She slowly slides her hand over the back of the couch until she makes contact with Chandler's shoulder and gently squeezes it. She then pulls it away and starts to frown as she steps back. "You know, I don't even know why I am doing this. I'm kind of waiting for someone."

Chandler can't help but revel in this new information and he smiles. "Wait? You have a date? And you came over to talk to me? Is this some kind of alternate reality? Did my goatee grow back?"

Kathy shakes her head, slightly confused at his words and, even though she is unsure why, she laughs nervously. The door to the coffee shop opens up and she turns her head sharply. "Oh, look, there he is now!"

Chandler turns and sees Joey walking in. "Wait a minute. Are you waiting to go on a date with Joey Tribbiani? Are you telling me a girl who is dating Joey came over to talk to me! I can't tell you how many times a girl I was on a date with ended up talking to him."

Kathy furrows her brow and glances back and forth between Joey and Chandler. A confused look on her face. "You mean, you two know each other?"

Joey finally reaches the two of them and slides his arm around Kathy's back. "Hey, you guys met! That's great!"

Chandler can't help himself but allow a gleeful laugh to escape his lips. "Oh buddy, you don't know the half of it."

Joey, looking puzzled, turns back to Kathy. "So, uh, you want to get going? I made that reservation for six."

"Um, yeah." Kathy looks over at Chandler one more time and smiles. "Nice to meet you Chandler."

He waves to her goodbye and Ross returns from the bathroom as Joey and Kathy leave. "Oh, bummer. I'm sorry dude. I didn't know she was with Joey. I never would have told you to talk to her if I knew she was with him."

Chandler, still giddy and smiling proudly, laughs and shakes his head. "Oh, no. Thank you. You were right. She was hitting on me."

Ross scoffs a bit. "Come on. A girl who is going out with Joey hit on you? I'm sure you misread her or…"

Chandler hops up, offended by Ross' dismissive tone. "No! I mean it. She even squeezed my shoulder."

Ross reaches over and grabs at his shoulder. "You mean this boney thing?"

"Well, you aren't touching me in the right place!"

* * *

Monica's bedroom door opens as Chandler slips into her room. She slaps her hands down on the bed and shakes her head. "Finally! What took you so long?"

Chandler flashes her an apologetic smile and slips off his robe as he pulls back the covers. "Joey's new girlfriend. She was up when I left my room and I had to watch TV with her until she went back to bed."

Monica's eyes go wide in disbelief. "What? You just hung out with some woman in the middle of the night?"

Chandler offers her a crooked smile and slips under the sheet. "Oh, look, it was nothing to get worked about. I mean, it was fun, we shared a laugh at this great special that was on…"

Monica raises her eyebrows, clearly becoming incensed at his confession. "You shared a laugh. With Joey's new girlfriend. At Two-thirty in the morning."

Chandler chuckles, but seeing that only made her more exasperated, quiets himself and tries to pull one of her now rigid hands into his own. "Monica, you don't have anything to worry about."

Monica narrows her eyes as she props herself up on her elbow. "Is she pretty?"

Chandler starts to look around the room and stammers a bit. "uh…..well…you see…"

"Answer faster! Answer faster!"

"I don't think of her that way. I mean, she's Joey's girlfriend."

Monica, now sitting up straight, folds her arms even tighter around herself and blows out hot air from her mouth. "Oh, so I guess you never found any of Joey's girlfriends attractive. I mean, you know how he never sleeps with good looking women."

Chandler tries one more time to grab at her hand, but she pulls it further into her body. "Well, I mean, sure, some of them. But, uh, that was before I had you." Chandler suddenly starts to realize that might have not been the right thing to say and tries to redirect. "Not that I have you or think of you as property in anyway. I see women…"

Monica loosens her arms and places one on Chandler's chest. "Stop it Chandler." She fights a small smile, his ability to get tongue-tied around her still as endearing a quality as ever. "Okay. Fine."

"Mon, you know you don't have anything to worry about, right?" Monica reluctantly relents and slides her arms around his neck. "I mean, sure, I accidentally walked in on her when she was naked in the bathroom, but I closed my eyes right away!"

Monica snaps her arms from him, brings them back close to her body and raises an admonishing eyebrow in his direction. "You what!"

* * *

Chandler simply cannot decide what he wants to buy. He looks at several magazine covers that are hanging from the rack, but nothing seems to be catching his eye. He flirts with the idea of buying a pack of cigarettes, but abandons the thought almost as soon as it materializes, acknowledging to himself that Monica will sniff out any trace of cigarette smoke on his body later tonight, no matter how many showers he takes.

He walks to the front of the newspaper vender stand and begins to reach for a copy of the New York Times when he becomes distracted by the sound of commotion coming from the street behind him. People shouting, dogs barking, and car horns honking haphazardly. Breaking what would be a fairly peaceful late Thursday morning in Manhattan.

He grabs the paper, tosses some money into the vendor's dish and he folds it up, shoving it under his arm. He blissfully turns around and makes his way down the street and, just as he is about to turn the corner, he crooks his head up as he can swear, he hears someone calling his name. He turns around and looks, but doesn't see or recognize anybody. He shakes his head and continues down the street. Shrugging his shoulders as he decides to walk the rest of the way to work.

Suddenly, a flushed, sweaty and oddly enough, covered in mustard, and what looks like giant lettuce leaves, Kathy leaps in front of him. She huffs, out of breath, and smiles at him, bending over and supporting herself on her knees. "Hey, Chandler, Hey."

Chandler flashes her a puzzled look of concern. "Hey, you okay?"

Still huffing, Kathy limps a bit as she slumps up against the wall of a nearby building. "Yeah, just, you know, jogging, and, ow, yeah, I think I have a cramp."

Chandler looks around and spies the corner of Grove and Bedford. "Well, uh, my building is right over there, want me to help you up and walk you over there so you can rest in Joey's room?"

Kathy purses her lips and tries to put some weight on her ankle, but finally nods in defeat as she winces in pain. "Yeah, that would be great. You're so sweet."

Chandler pulls her into him and lets her lean her weight on him as they slowly shamble over to his building. She smiles as she gently squeezes his arm. "Oh, hello mister bicep." Chandler laughs as he props open the door so she can limp into the lobby. "Have you been working out?"

He pretends to flex and chuckles. "Well, I try to squeeze things."

Kathy starts to giggle and Chandler decides to ignore her overexuberance as he helps her up the five flights of stairs into his apartment. She looks down at her ankle. "I guess I'll have to just rest this thing all day. You don't mind if I watch TV or something while I hang out? Do you?"

"No, make yourself comfortable. Joey will probably be back soon."

"Oh." Kathy looks down, slightly disappointed.

Chandler helps her get a grip on the wall as he unlocks his door and walks her into the living room. He helps her into the folding chair and eases her foot up on the edge of the canoe. "Okay, well, you should be all set. Want me to bring you over some water?"

Kathy nods and clicks on the television with the remote. "Ooo! Die Hard!"

Chandler, staring at the TV smiles as he hands her a bottle of water. "Oh man! I love this movie. And I have to go to stupid work."

Kathy laughs and pats the seat in the canoe. "You could play hooky."

"No. I did that already this week. I think I'll check in across the hall and then go to work. You okay here?"

"Yes. Thank you so much Chandler. You are really sweet."

Chandler, feeling proud of his good deed, skips over to Monica and Rachel's apartment. He nods as he sees Ross sitting at the kitchen table. He then spies Monica, over on the comfy chair, reading a book and she looks up and steals a smile with him while her brother isn't looking. Chandler moves over to the refrigerator and grabs a bottle of water. "Hey people. How is it going?"

Ross looks up at him and nods. "Hey."

"Hey are you guys going to be around all day? I just ran into Kathy and she must have hurt herself exercising. She does not look so good. I just carried her into our apartment. Can one of you check on her later?"

Monica stiffens up and shoots him an aggrieved glare. "You what?"

Chandler starts to stammer. "I just…uh…"

Ross points at Chandler and smiles. "Oh, is Kathy the one you thought was hitting on you the other day?"

Chandler now darts his eyes between Ross and Monica and continues to stammer. Monica tosses her book onto the coffee table and stands up, seething. "What?"

Ross turns and screws up his face in confusion at his sister's reaction. "What? Why is it a big deal if Chandler fantasized about being hit on by joey's girlfriend."

Chandler stutters a bit, becoming defensive. "I didn't fantasize anything Ross." Monica shoots him another angry stare and he begins to stumble over his words again. "But, uh, I probably misconstrued what she was doing. You know, like you said. Yeah, that's what happened."

Monica huffs out loudly and storms into her bathroom. "I need to take a shower!"

Ross looks over at Chandler and shakes his head. "What is she so mad about? Man, I know she is my sister and I love her but I feel sorry for the guy she ends up with."

* * *

Chandler slowly steps into Monica's apartment and gingerly approaches her. "Is anyone here?"

She shakes her head dismissively. "I do not like this Kathy."

Chandler raises his hands defensively, trying to calm her down. "Monica, there's nothing going on."

Monica folds her arms and breathes in and out deeply. "Well, she's hitting on you, making you watch tv late at night, she walks around the apartment naked…"

"She doesn't walk around naked. She wears these little sporty shorts things."

"Oh, you remember what she was wearing? How cute. What was I wearing yesterday?"

Chandler stammers a bit and looks around the room. "Uh, pants?" He walks over to her and reaches his arms out, almost pleading with her to relent. "Mon, you know women don't see me like that."

Monica looks down and just mutters softly, almost to herself. "I do."

"Yeah, but, well, so what if she sees me like that. I don't see her as anything other than Joey's girlfriend. Okay? To me she is just some girl." She finally loosens up and lets him wrap his arms around her. "And you aren't just some girl. You're Monica."

She smiles into his chest. "Keep talking."

"Look. Why don't we forget about all this Kathy stuff and concentrate on how we want to celebrate our six-month anniversary next week."

Monica, finally allows herself to become excited and looks up at him. "Well, I do have some ideas."

* * *

Chandler breathes out a sigh of relief as he finally reaches his floor. At last, the work week is over. All he can think about is changing out of his suit, taking a shower, and seeing Monica. A relaxed smile spreads across his lips as he thinks about being with her tonight. Six months. He can't believe they are about to reach six months together. The longest relationship he has ever been in. And he knows, these have been the best six-months of his life. And it is all because of Monica. He marvels at how much he has changed over this last half year.

In just a few days they will sneak out together, and while the waiter pours the champagne, he will let her know exactly how he feels. He will tell her all the ways that she has made him a better man. He will tell her how every decision he makes is with her best interest on his mind. How wonderful it feels to be with her. How he still gets nervous when she smiles at him. How he never tires of being with her. And finally. no matter how scared he is that she might reject him, he needs her to hear him say it. He needs her to know that he is in love with her.

He chuckles to himself as he turns the key and enters his apartment. Once inside he stops dead in his tracks. The lights are low and there is soft music playing. He looks around, some candles are lit and scattered across the living room, creating a magical glow throughout the apartment. A bottle of wine stands open, with two glasses already half-full, set up on the kitchen counter. He can't help but shudder with excitement. He looks out towards his bedroom door which is slightly ajar and his mind wanders to create images of what Monica must be wearing as she waits for him. He decides to pick up a glass of wine and take a celebratory sip. "Hello? This is some wonderful surprise. Did Joey go out for the night?"

"Yes. I convinced him we need to be alone together."

Chandler's entire body goes stiff as he drops the glass, spilling wine as it shatters on the floor. He gesticulates wildly in an attempt to pick it up, but as he drops to one knee he looks up and sees Kathy sauntering over towards him. She kneels down next to him and smiles.

"I told Joey that, it wasn't going to work out between me and him, because there is someone else I feel drawn to, and I know you feel drawn to me too. So why fight this heat we have between us?"

Before Chandler can respond, Kathy moves closer to him, grabs him by the neck, and crashes her lips into his.


	10. I Don't Know If You Know That I Know

**I Don't Know if You Know That I Know**

"Monica, I think it's time to say something. You two have been together for six months!"

Monica winces as she shifts uncomfortably in her seat. She looks over her shoulder to scan the rest of the coffee house and then turns back and glares at Rachel. "Will you please be quiet! Someone could be here right now and they could have heard you!"

Rachel let's out an exasperated sigh. "Mon. It's time to figure out what you guys are doing. Six! Months! I mean, how long were you and Richard together?"

Monica looks down at her hands and mutters quietly. "Four months and twelve days."

Rachel plops backwards on the couch and shakes her head. "Four months! And you were already thinking about a future with him. Now, you and…" Rachel lowers her voice to a whisper. "Chandler have been together for six months and you haven't even said that you love each other."

Monica shakes her head and releases an exasperated sigh. "Rach, you don't understand. You're with Ross. He lives for commitment and relationships. Chandler, he needs a more, subtle touch. I know he loves me. I'm sure of it. He just has to be ready to say it."

Rachel taps her fingers on her thigh and looks off contemplatively. "Maybe he doesn't know you know."

Monica screws up her face and reacts as if what Rachel just said was nonsensical gibberish. "What?"

Rachel sits up and puts her hand on Monica's knee. Calmly patting her in a reassuring manner. "Well, maybe he needs to hear it from you first. You know. He needs to know you're there. Think about it. When you and Richard broke up, it wasn't because you didn't love him, right? But, when Chandler and Janice broke up, it was because, well, she didn't love him as much as she loved her husband." Monica looks down and she wrinkles her brow as she seriously considers Rachel's words. "Face it, Mon. He doesn't need to move slow; he needs to know." Rachel suddenly smiles as she feels a swell of pride at her newfound wisdom. She then slaps Monica on the knee harder to shock her out of her contemplative state. "C'mon Monica. Sneaking around for six months is enough."

Monica starts to sit up straight. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I've been going about this all wrong. I should tell him. You know, I should just tell him and then he will know and he will feel safe enough to say it back. Then, we can let everybody know."

Rachel smiles. "Wow! I can't believe I got that right."

Monica laughs and hugs her. "Next week we are going out for our six-month anniversary. I'm going to tell him then."

Rachel squeezes Monica tightly and the two friends slowly pull back. "You know, as long as you're sure you love him."

Monica scoffs and shakes her head; her face twists up to reveal how insulted she is. "Rachel! Of course I do! He's great. He's sweet and he's smart, and I love him. He is so attentive and he makes me feel like I can be myself. For the first time in my life I am with someone who really knows me. Someone who will see me get out of bed in the middle of the night because I can't leave my shoes in the living room and not bat an eye, or someone who doesn't look at me funny when I make my own cleaning products. I mean, yeah, he looks at me funny, but its not 'I need to dump this girl right now' funny."

Rachel adopts a sympathetic expression. "Oh, honey, you don't make your own cleaning products, do you?"

"See! That's the look I normally get!"

Rachel covers her mouth as she laughs. "Sorry."

Monica narrows her eyes and flashes a reprimanding look at her, but then her face becomes softer as she smiles. "He just, he makes me feel like everything I am is amazing, not just the stuff on the surface. He makes me feel complete."

Rachel puts her hands up in protest, having heard enough. "Okay Jerry Maguire."

Monica scoffs and tries to suppress a smile at Rachel's joke. "No, not like that, just that…well…he helps me realize that, it's okay to be me. No one has ever made me feel like that before."

* * *

Joey, holding a newspaper, lumbers out of the bathroom and plops down on the couch. "Hey guys."

Ross and Phoebe share a puzzled look as they glance at him and then each other. "Did you know he was in there?"

Phoebe shakes her head. "No"

"How long have you been here?"

Phoebe looks up and bobs her head side-to-side. "Oh, I'd say about a half hour."

Ross looks back down at the magazine he has open in his lap and shudders. "Lovely."

Joey looks over and nods. "So, what are you doing here?"

Phoebe reaches over to a bowl of chips and holds one up. "Well, I ran out of Doritos, Ross is going to dinner with Rachel, and you are not using your own bathroom."

"Yeah, I'm just hanging out here for a little while because something tells me Chandler is about to get lucky." Joey smiles smugly as he waggles his eyebrows at Phoebe.

Ross looks up and tilts his head inquisitively. "Why do you think that?"

Joey sits forward and starts to gesture with his hands, using them to punctuate almost every word. "Well, you guys know that girl Kathy I was seeing, right? Well, we got to talking and we sort of realized that we weren't really working out. And then she told me how she thinks she likes Chandler and that she thinks he likes her. They always seem to get along with each other."

Phoebe frowns and reaches out to hold Joey's hand. "Oh no! Did she cheat on you?"

Joey laughs. "With Chandler? As if!"

Ross nods and starts to dart his eyes between the two of them. "You know what, that kind of makes sense. Chandler and I thought she was checking him out at Central Perk when we first met her."

Joey smiles. "Maybe it was meant to be. Like it was written in the stars. You know, she was actually really cool about it and wanted to make sure I was okay with it before she made a move. So, I gave them my blessing."

Ross chuckles. "You gave them your blessing? What are you? A Don?"

Phoebe's eyes go wide as she smiles excitedly. "Ooo, I like that. Let's see. Don Joe. No. Oh! Don Joey. No, that doesn't sound right either. Don Tribbiani? Don Joey Tribbiani? Joey Tribbiani. I like that one best. You should go by that from now on."

Joey looks over at Phoebe with a nonplussed expression. "Uh, thanks? I guess?"

Ross shakes his head and nods at Joey. "You know, that's really big of you Joe. I bet Chandler's going to be really happy you set him up with her. You are a true friend."

* * *

Chandler gently pushes Kathy away and shoots up straight off the floor. "What's going on?"

Kathy smiles as she stands up and smooths out her dress. "I thought that was kind of obvious."

"Wow, Monica thought that there was something going on with you being into me. I can't believe she was right."

Kathy slinks up next to him. "Really?" She grabs his tie and starts to run it through her hands seductively. "Would that be so terrible?"

Chandler looks over at the broken wine glass on the floor. "This might be the wrong thing to be worrying about, but that wine is going to stain the rug."

Kathy starts to bring her mouth close to Chandlers neck, her hot breath causing goosebumps to form on his skin. He shakes his head and slips away, turning her around so his back is now to the front door of his apartment. "Woah, woah, back off missy!"

Kathy can't help but giggle at his outburst. "Missy?"

"I don't know, I'm not used to girls making passes at me. Wait a minute…am I…sexy?"

Kathy looks him up and down and flashes him a sly smile. "You are to me."

Chandler looks down, not believing what is happening right now. "No." He then smirks, his ego growing at the prospect of this beautiful woman practically throwing herself at him. "Nooo." He then thinks about Monica, and panics as he backs up closer to the door. "No!" He gestures for her to back up, and he is surprised that she complies. He runs his hands through his hair and can't wipe the shocked look off his face. "Look, I'm, uh, I'm in a relationship."

Kathy screws up her face, clearly confused at what he just said. "What? But Joey said you haven't been with anyone since your girlfriend broke up with you like six months ago. No dates, no girls over, nothing."

Chandler nods. "Oh, well, he doesn't know about it. It's a secret relationship."

Kathy, still bewildered, slowly becomes skeptical. "What? So, you mean to tell me, your best friend and roommate has no idea you are in a relationship? That doesn't make any sense." She takes a half-step closer to him. "You know, he said you might be a little awkward and scared at first. He said I should probably take control because you get a little shy around women. I find that really cute. I mean, look, I know you want this to happen too."

"I do?"

Kathy smiles and starts to undulate to the music playing in the background. "Maybe, I'll dance for you to loosen you up."

Chandler has to blink his eyes demonstratively, under the impression that at some point soon, he will wake up and realize this has all been a very strange dream. "Look, it's not that you don't look good. You do."

Kathy starts to undo the buttons of her blouse. "When I first saw you I just wanted to rip that sweater vest right off you!"

Chandler clears his throat, suddenly feeling very parched. "Look, any other time of my life I would be saying we should move this to the bedroom, and how glad I was about all the sex we were going to be having."

She loosens a few more buttons and opens her shirt. "You should be. I'm very bendy." She then looks down and a seductive smile spreads across her lips. "So, this is my bra."

Chandler can't help but stammer as he does a double take at her open shirt. "No, looks, seriously. This is never going to happen."

Kathy drops her hands to her sides. Now clearly losing her patience. "Seriously? You're really sticking with the secret girlfriend thing?"

Chandler rubs the back of his neck as a serene smile curls at the corners of his mouth. "Yeah, I mean sure she was a little paranoid, or in this case, right on the money, but she's amazing. She's beautiful and smart. If she were here right now, she would kick your ass. Look, you're a really nice person, but what I have with my girlfriend is pretty great."

"Secret girlfriend who is beautiful, smart and amazing? Does she also live in the Niagara Falls area? I'm not buying it. Joey was right. He said you might be afraid of my bra."

* * *

Monica and Rachel finally reach their floor. Rachel huffs a bit louder than necessary, exaggerating her relief that their climb up the five flights of stairs is over. For a moment, Monica looks over at the door to Chandler's apartment.

"You know, you could just go in there right now and do this. Get it over with."

Monica contemplates her words, but then shakes her head. "No. No. Our anniversary. This way it is special." She then tilts her head as she strains to listen to the voices on the other side of her door. "Sounds like we already have company."

Rachel chuckles. "What else is new." She opens the door and the two of them walk in and greet their unannounced guests with a smile and a nod.

Monica, takes her cardigan off and places it on the back of the chair as she furrows her brow. "What are you guys doing here?"

Phoebe points at herself. "Doritos." Then she points at Ross. "Rachel." Then she points at Joey. "Letting Chandler have sex with Kathy." Then she points at Rachel and Monica. "Lives here."

Monica freezes in her motions as her mouth opens so wide it almost drops to the floor. "What did you just say?"

Phoebe points at Monica and Rachel again. "Lives here. You should know that Mon."

Monica tenses up and squeezes her hands into fists. "What is Joey letting Chandler do?"

Joey leans over the edge of the chair as he looks at Monica. "Relax. It is totally cool. I gave my blessing."

Monica practically charges over towards him, causing him to pull back to the other side of the chair and raise his hands to cover his face as she shouts at him. "You gave your what!"

Ross chomps down on a chip and shakes his head, already losing patience with his sister's outburst. "Monica, it's cool she likes him and she thinks he likes her. I thought you'd be happy for him."

"WHAT!"

* * *

Kathy slowly slides up and leans against Chandler, forcing his back to press up against the apartment door. "I'm gonna kiss you now."

"I really wish you wouldn't." He reaches down behind him and turns the knob, opening the door as he takes one step into the hallway.

* * *

Monica charges towards the door. "Oh my god, I am going to kill him! Or her! Or both of them!"

Rachel puts her hand out to try and slow Monica down. "Monica! You know Chandler wouldn't do that. He probably sent her home already. There's no way he would do that to you."

Ross stands up, suddenly becoming concerned. "Do what? What's going on."

Monica looks at Rachel. "I know, you're probably right, but I have to go over there. I have to make sure everything is okay."

Ross suddenly takes an aggressive stance and starts shouting. "If someone doesn't tell me what's going on, right now, I swear I'll…" He cuts himself off, opting to make gestures with his hands, mimicking karate chops.

Phoebe stands up next to Ross and giggles to herself. "Oh, you'll what? You'll hiyah?"

Monica rushes to the door and starts to pull it open. "You guys don't understand. You don't know. He might not know! He needs to know!"

Ross, Joey and Phoebe, all now stand up and hurry into the kitchen. Joey looks around at everyone. "He needs to know what?"

* * *

Chandler slips his entire body into the hallway and finally creates enough space between him and Kathy. He rubs his palm over his eye and wipes at his forehead. "Kathy I can't have sex with you."

* * *

Monica turns and looks at Joey as she opens the door. She starts to back out of the apartment and into the hallway. "He can't have sex with her!"

* * *

Kathy taps her foot. "And why not?"

* * *

Ross looks over at Rachel, a look of total confusion on his face. "And why not?"

* * *

Monica and Chandler finally are both standing in the hallway, so close they are practically back-to-back. Each of them unaware of how close the other is as their attention is still focused on looking back at the people in their respective apartments. Almost simultaneously they gesticulate in a demonstrative manner and yell out, practically sounding as if they have been choreographed.

"Because I'm in love with Monica!"/"Because I'm in love with Chandler!"

Almost in unison, Kathy, Joey, Phoebe and Ross blurt out. "You're what?"

Chandler and Monica bump their backs into each other and as they turn around, they finally realize what is happening. Chandler points at Monica and shouts again. "That's right! I love her!"

Monica grabs at his hands and joins him, shouting loud enough for it to reverberate through the hallway. "I! love! him!"

The two of them quiet down and their movements become still. Chandler snakes his arms around her waist and smiles as Monica wraps her arms around his neck. She lets out a relieved laugh and runs her fingers through his hair. His voice becomes serious and earnest as he steadies his gaze into her eyes.

"I love you Monica."

She brings herself up to her tiptoes and draws his lips close to hers. "I love you too Chandler."

They both smile into their kiss. Melting into each other as they forget all about the sneaking around, They forget about the Joeys and the Phoebes and the Rosses and Rachels. They forget all about the Kathys and Richards. Nothing else exists in this moment. Nothing at all. Just the two of them and their declarations. Just the two of them and their love.

* * *

A/N – Well, I think that's all folks. I know I said I would update this once a week, and then I wrote 10 chapters in 5 days. Sorry if I overloaded you and you couldn't enjoy these individually.

The "I Love Yous" seems to be a real good spot to leave this universe, although I guess I could always return to them. There is room for a "The Truth About Joey's Birthday Party." out there somewhere, I guess. You can always drop me a line if you think they should go on, or maybe it would be fun to attack another season, and start all over again. Who knows. I feel like I probably have over 100 references and Easter eggs from the entire series in this story. Also, hopefully I salvaged "The Butterfly Effect". Take that Ashton Kutcher...if that's even your real name.

I want to thank everyone for the reviews and taking the time to read. I am glad it seems that you guys got as much of a kick out of reading this as I did in writing it. I'll now return to the canon series and then after a few chapters of that, I will start back up with the post series story. And once again, as always, thank you.


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